tag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:/blogs/boozhoo-welcome?p=2Cody Coyote: Music and the Journey2023-03-18T12:19:15-04:00Cody Coyotefalsetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/71741592023-03-18T12:19:15-04:002023-10-16T10:52:20-04:0011 <p>Today I have woken up in much reflection and <span style="color:rgb(77,77,77);">as I'm writing this, I do so in hopes to reach readers in a positive way through sharing about some of my experiences. I know that not everyone who reads this will make it through the whole thing and that's okay but my hopes is that some people are able to take something tangible away from doing so. Out of respect I want to also advise a trigger warning to anybody who is in recovery and grieving. </span><br><br>As I opened my eyes this morning, I am currently laying in a bed located in the housing of where I am staying while on tour with the <a class="no-pjax" href="https://goingmiles.org/" target="_blank" data-link-type="url">Going M.I.L.E.S. Youth Conference</a> in Deer Lake First Nation, Ontario, Canada. One of the first things I have done today is open the blinds to let the sunshine in and have opened the window to breathe in some fresh air. Today I am grateful for the life I am able to live, the friends and family who have remained a part of it and for continuing to love myself by committing to my sobriety. <br><br>While on tour in the community we were in previous to this one, we were witness to how severe addiction and alcoholism was there. A frontline worker in the community provided a statistic that the rate of addiction there was 95% and throughout the week we heard several cries for help which we did our best to assist with. During our visit there, we worked with a group of their youth who were absolutely wonderful and knowing that they felt empowered by the end of our time there was rewarding in so many ways. <br><br>We had left there yesterday and during our travels, I found myself reflecting on how the week had went and how Gitchi Manidoo (The Great Spirit) had put me there alongside such an incredible team so we could help initiate hope together. Even in the trenches of addiction in a remote community, there was still a light shown there and we saw it through their future generations. This also served as a reminder of why it is so important to support their voices and to create safe spaces for them to thrive. I was also in reflection of how this all took place leading up to today and how on this day in 2012, I chose to make a life changing commitment to loving myself and creating a better way of life for myself. <br><br>On March 18th, 2012, I decided to “Put the plug in the jug” as my dad would say and to also throw out the unused needles I had in my room. Thinking about this makes me reflect on how far I've come, the experiences that I've had, the people that have come and gone, the self growth I have had throughout the years and why I do the work that I do. Today I continue to be grateful to have made this decision for myself and to have nurtured self love and acceptance throughout the years. Reading back on my blog <a class="no-pjax" href="https://codycoyotemusic.com/blogs/boozhoo-welcome/posts/6578032/growth-and-understanding" target="_blank" data-link-type="url">post from 2021</a> makes this even more so. <br><br>Throughout my sobriety, I've learned that trauma is the underlying root of alcoholism and addiction. In 2018 when my mother passed away at the age of 55, I found myself in a pit of despair, feeling numb and not knowing where to go next. There had been a place where I thought of drinking again but knew where that would lead and didn't want to re-open that door for myself ever again. I instead reached out for help and put myself into therapy. I've also reflected on how I had gotten into a relationship shortly after her passing with someone who I spent 2 years with and eventually it ended. <br><br>When it ended, it was like I was grieving all over again which lead to panic attacks for the first time in my life, several moments of anger, rage, sadness and depression and ultimately feeling alone, disregarded and helpless. I found myself falling back into a pattern of dating women who were abusive to me and also discovering a new issue which was trying to fill the emptiness I had inside from the loss of my mother with another feminine energy. This made me more self aware that I was actually struggling with some co-dependency issues connected to the loss of my mom and that wound that was there before became deeper. <br><br>Through therapy, I was able to better understand grieving, the loss of a parent, how certain things in my childhood affected me and how experiences in high school affected me as well. Now I've been able to heal and make that a priority for myself. My point in sharing this is that as a man we often keep our emotions bottled up and never want to appear weak in anyway. Toxic masculinity is prevalent in the western colonial society that we live in and is a main reason on why men won't ask for help. I'm grateful to have challenged that and to have made my sobriety and becoming the best version of me my biggest priorities. Gaining the emotional maturity that I have today really puts a lot of things into perspective as well in regards to what I will and will not settle for.<br><br>Getting sober was a personal choice and I'm grateful that I chose to do so when I did. Drinking and drugging while suppressing my emotions wasn't acceptable anymore and I wanted to change for the better. Many people who are older than me often question why I quit when I did and the best answer I can come up with is that I wanted to live. I am a bi-racial Indigenous man who is 30 years old, going on 31, and if we look at statistics I'm not supposed to be here. One of my biggest hopes in life is to empower and motivate others to live a better life for themselves. <br><br>Meeting other sober people has allowed me to feel supported in this decision that I've made for myself and if I'm being honest, I'm thankful to have created a whole new circle of friends. My personal opinion in regards to friendship is that a friend will take a bottle, needle or drug away from you versus give you them. Otherwise they are simply an enabler who is finding comfort in using with you and when that ends, they may or may not disappear afterwards. <br><br>When I was using, I didn't have the best relationship with my family. Today, I am grateful to be healthier version of myself and to have a loving, supportive and strong relationship with my family. I also hold a responsibility now that I am very grateful for which is being an uncle and my nephew has been such a beautiful gift from Gitchi Manidoo (The Great Spirit) to our family. My father, my brothers, my nephew, my other family members, they all give me purpose to continue living and motivate me to continue walking the red road. <br><br>Today marks 11 years of sobriety but if I've learned anything throughout this time it is that from moment to moment we commit to loving ourselves more and more. It had to start somewhere and I'm grateful that I've been able to continue. Here's to self love and to living mino-bimaadiziwin, the good life. </p>3:22Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/66518272021-06-07T12:39:09-04:002022-05-19T04:05:15-04:00A Letter To Pope Francis<p>I have found myself in much reflection after Pope Francis’ words yesterday on Twitter and if you are reading this, I hope you have taken the time to be mindful of this as well. I am writing this as an intergenerational survivor and as someone whose family was torn apart by the church, the Government of Canada as well as the Canadian Residential School System and Canadian Child Welfare System. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/7cb0f0ada356f1a1f23eeced9db1b426398346dc/original/img-1354.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />Let’s dissect this together by firstly acknowledging that if somebody is making an apology there needs to be accountability and action behind it or else it’s just empty words and lip service. </p>
<p>“I join the Canadian Bishops and the whole Catholic Church in Canada in expressing my closeness to the Canadian people''. At this point I’m going to change the approach of writing this to direct it towards Pope Francis. Pope Francis, you’re joining the Canadian Bishops and the whole Cathloic Church in Canada in expressing your closeness to those who are actively oppressing the Indigenous nations whose homelands they reside on? The same homelands that your churches occupy and have benefitted from for generations. </p>
<p>You should be joining the Indigenous residential school survivors that the church has directly impacted as well as their families. You should also recognize that you have said you are expressing your closeness to the “Canadian people” as opposed to the many nations who were here prior to the creation of “Canada”, the nations whose children were forcibly taken to Canadian Residential Schools, the nations who have been affected by these acts of genocide, the nations who are STILL HERE. </p>
<p>We are not Canadian, we are our own people, our own tribes, our own nations and I am Anishinaabe. Identifying as a Canadian would be disregarding our existence and that the lands in which Canada resides on, are our ancestral homelands. In turn for those who do identify as a “Canadian”, it’s important to recognize that it is oppressive and so is any celebration of “Canada”. </p>
<p>This brings me to the next part of what has been said, “Who have been traumatised by shocking discovery of the remains of two hundred and fifteen children, pupils at Kamloops Indian Residential School”. Pope Francis, “Canadian people” are not the ones who have been traumatised and we are not going to center them here. The INDIGENOUS people whose homelands were invaded and have been on the receiving end of the acts of genocide and crimes against humanity from the Vatican and the Government of Canada are the ones who have experienced the trauma. </p>
<p>We as Indigenous people are the ones who have been traumatised from this, specifically the families and survivors of the Kamloops Indian Residential School right now, and have been healing from the trauma as well as intergenerational trauma caused by the church, the Government of Canada and the Canadian Residential School System for generations. </p>
<p>This also isn’t a discovery, it is a confirmation of what has already been known and validates the research that the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada has done estimating that the amount of Indigenous children who died at Canadian residential schools, at the hands of the church and the Government of Canada, is far beyond 6,000. </p>
<p>You, the Vatican and the Government of Canada, need to recognize that accountability needs to take place, ALL residential school sites need to be surveyed for further remains of Indigenous children, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission of Canada’s “Calls To Action” need to be implemented and action needs to be taken to help Indigenous people heal. </p>
<p>You also said, “These difficult times are a strong call for everyone to turn away from the colonial model and walk side by side in dialogue, mutual respect and recognition of the rights and cultural values of all the daughters and sons of Canada.” <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/302fc22e5429249c2ea5e1c133d99ef314a224b7/original/img-1355.jpg/!!/meta:eyJzcmNCdWNrZXQiOiJiemdsZmlsZXMifQ==/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" />You are right in saying that we need to decolonize and from the understanding our ancestors had with things like the Two Row Wampum and treaties established between the Government of Canada and Indigenous people, we were supposed to live harmoniously with those mutual respects and recognition but that didn’t happen. Instead, the church and the Government of Canada set out to colonize through forced assimilation and acts of genocide which has brought us to where we are today. This is still happening and the Government of Canada is still taking Indigenous children from their families. </p>
<p>Let me be very clear in saying that I as an Anishinaabe man AM NOT and WILL NEVER be a “son of Canada”. I am a descendant of Michel Batise, the first Chief of Matachewan First Nation. I am from “Where The Water Meets” and after 25 years of not knowing my family due to what the church and the Government of Canada has done to them, I am writing to you to say that THEY DID NOT SUCCEED. </p>
<p>I am also writing to you to voice that I am standing in solidarity with the families and survivors of Kamloops Indian Residential School as well as all the other families of survivors of the Canadian Residential School System. This is something that I advise you to do as well and to be accountable as well as to actively take action when you provide an apology. </p>
<p>Baamaapii, </p>
<p>Cody Purcell</p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/65970662021-04-07T14:14:41-04:002023-02-17T12:03:24-05:00Never Worry About Crying Again<p>I've been in much reflection lately of how society has defined masculinity and the toxic elements that are included in that. With my birthday coming up on April 17th, I've also been looking inward and am grateful for the growth I have had as I've gotten older. <br><br>There's been times where I would hide my emotions and would try to find somewhere private to cry because I didn't want to be a burden for anybody else around me. Even at 28 I find myself doing this from time to time but check myself in knowing that it's okay to cry even if other people see. I've learned that it's okay to show my emotions and to be vulnerable, but admittedly there are still times that I feel I need to have my guard up due to the abuse that I have faced in the past as well as other experiences that I have had. <br><br>Bringing things into a bigger picture, men need to know that it's okay to cry and to share their feelings. Heck I cried in private last night before falling asleep and wanted to cry earlier today after a sleepless night. This was because I was feeling alone and wanting to talk to my mom, which is something that has been present from time to time since she passed away in 2018. Thoughts of her not being present for my 29th birthday were in my mind last night as well as today and I found myself at a stand still.<br><br>My mind was racing and I began to spiral because I initially got triggered by something which brought on other feelings of being unwanted and insecurities deriving from what they call "Fear Based Thinking". I would normally speak to my mom in these circumstances for guidance but the fact that she isn't here and I have to deal with it on my own has been challenging, but I know I'm growing more when doing so. <br><br>The more I learn about mindfulness and mental health, the more I understand "Loved Based Thinking" and the qualities associated with that. Focusing on loving ourselves enough to provide reassurance that things are okay and that new experiences, relationships, surroundings and other factors in life are not those of the past but are those of the present. When focusing on "Loved Based Thinking", I've told myself that I'm safe, I'm cared for, I have people that love me, if I need to cry I can let those tears out and it's okay to be vulnerable. I then turn to the things that I enjoy doing which contribute to my wellbeing and try to recenter myself when doing so. <br><br>A societal problem is that men are often told that they have to be "tough" or that they have to be "strong" in these situations, when really we just have to be who we are and offer acceptance to both ourselves and others. How many times have you heard folks say things like "be a man", "man up" or "quit being such a pussy"? I have heard this numerous times throughout my life and sadly I still do from some people. <br><br>Let's dissect this a little bit, "be a man" or "man up" meaning what? What does it mean to "be a man" or to "man up"? My view on this is to honour that some men like to be big or ripped, physically strong and have hair on their body, will have an ego the size of their muscles, will most likely know the ins and the outs of a vehicle, will be into sports, will be able to build things, will most likely hide their emotions and let things bottle up inside etcetera, etcetera.<br><br>Other men prefer to be the body type of their choosing, be well groomed, feel fabulous and love themselves regardless, will carry humility, will know little about vehicles, sports and building things but will perhaps know more about other things in life, will openly cry when needed, they may be sensitive and will understand that it's okay to be vulnerable. News flash fellas, out of everything I've said above, women or non-binary folks can have these traits too so why do we feel that they are directly associated with masculinity? That's toxic masculinity in itself. <br><br>Second thing to dissect is "quit being such a pussy"...if I had a dollar for every time I have heard this in my life whether it be in the men's locker room or elsewhere, there's a number of things to reflect on here. The first is that one of the most sacred parts of a woman's body is being brought into this phrase in a negative way, you know, the part that allowed you to come to life, from where you entered the world that you live in today. Another thing to draw attention to is how it is often said in a derogatory way to belittle somebody else while also making women inferior when doing so. Men, we really need to check each other and honour that part of their being. Now if we were to flip the script and say something like "be a pussy", wouldn't that sound more empowering and less toxic? Think about it, be something that has so much power within it that it can bring a new life into the world, cleanse itself and do so much more. <br><br>Coming back to when we hear these things, I feel it's important to call it out, to challenge it and to empower one another in accepting each other for the way that we are. We also need to support each others emotional wellbeing and normalize things like crying, being vulnerable and talking about our feelings. Part of this is also unlearning toxic behaviours that we may have learned along the way from generations before us so that the generations after us can be taught the healthy ones. <br><br>When unlearning these toxic behaviours, we have to look inward as well as outward. While looking inward, think of that young boy or young man inside of you that has been hurt and speak to him. Find out what hurt them and begin the process in helping them heal. While looking outward, think of any harm that you may have caused somebody else in your lifetime and although it may not happen right away, do your best to reflect on what you could've done differently. When you feel capable of doing so, sincerely apologize and try to make amends but also respect boundaries if those that you have hurt may not want to talk to you. While doing this, focus on changing for the better and to grow into the healthier, best version of yourself. <br><br>Closing things off, I'm going to say love yourself, accept yourself, be kind to yourself and continue to be present while focusing on your growth. Focus on love as oppose to fear and know that it's okay to cry, it's okay to share about your feelings and it's okay to be vulnerable. Never worry about crying again!</p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/65780322021-03-18T13:55:33-04:002022-03-24T15:47:07-04:00Growth And Understanding <p>Today as I write this, I do so in a way to put my thoughts somewhere in hopes that somebody is able to take something tangible from my words. Fact of the matter is, I know not everyone who reads this will make it through everything I have to say but I hope to reach those who will take the time to do so in a good way. Out of respect I want to also advise a trigger warning to anybody who is in recovery or has experiences with violence. <br> </p>
<p>As I have began my day, I am reflecting on what things used to be like waking up with the taste of alcohol in my mouth, the smell of it in my breath and the uncomfortable feeling of a hangover after a night of partying the night before. I remember trying to make sense of it all at times and would normalize it while making excuses on why I continued to drink. Admittedly there were several nights where I didn't remember a thing due to blacking out and I would purposely get to that point so I didn't have to feel anything. As I've grown older I understand now it's because of the hurt and the trauma I was carrying. <br><br>The feeling of being numb became comforting for me and the recklessness of my behaviour while intoxicated didn't matter to me. Truth is, I didn't care about myself, I didn't care about anybody else and it got to the point where the relationship with my family was damaged. I think about the nights where violence was present and how I woke up the morning after with a swollen hand, not being able to recall what had happened. I do remember two incidents clearly though and have often looked back at them too.<br><br>My younger brother, our friends and I had all went to a night time beach party where they had a DJ and there was quite a lot of people. The night began in a good way with socializing and hanging out together but I remember turning my head to see a white male grabbing my brother aggressively and my brother feeding him punches. I remember tackling this guy to the ground and punching him numerous times in the face then stomping on him. At this point my brother backed off and I took the guy's head and drove my knee into his face. Somebody tried to pull me off of him and I shoved them out of my way and continued to lay a beating on him. Eventually this was broken up but I remember the guy lying there motionless while I was walking away. Waking up the morning after that, I had text messages from people telling me that he went to the hospital and that things weren't looking that good. Thankfully he was alright and that was the end of that...or so I thought. <br><br>On a separate night we are at a house party and this same guy is there, is drunk and is picking a fight with one of my close friends. I remember jumping over a couch and on my way down punching him in the face. Drinks went flying, the music stopped playing and all hell broke loose. I kept punching him until my friend pulled me off of him and we quickly got out of there. Out front of the house the guy apparently got knocked out by somebody else at the party and the last thing I remember was us getting into a car and taking off. <br><br>Fast forward a bit, I had been working at a retail store full-time doing order picking and was in the receiving area. I turned around and who did I see? It was the guy from the beach party and he was a new employee at the store. I remember him looking at me with fear in his eyes and I stood there in that moment reflecting on my actions. Having that feeling wasn't good at all, knowing that I was feared by somebody on that level hit me in my heart and I spoke to him from that heart space afterwards. I apologized to him and I asked for his forgiveness. At this point in my life I was trying to cut back on my drinking and turn things around for myself. Hearing him say that he forgave me was huge and we ended up being civil with each other moving forward. <br> </p>
<p>As I look back on these moments, my mind has spiralled to everything else that had happened while under the influence. The violence, driving while intoxicated, committing crimes, being in trap houses, having stomach ulcers numerous times then having to take medication and overall making poor decisions is where my brain has taken me today. As I reflect on all of this, I also think about what things were like when I was taking steroids and how that amplified things. The biggest thing I'm stuck on is how I didn't love myself, how it affected my family and how my hurt played a part in all of this.<br> </p>
<p>Now I'm okay with being transparent enough to share this stuff but some things are better left unsaid as I am still continuing to work through them today but let that be a key take away, to work through it and to do so with a healthy support system. Truth is, I don't really talk or associate myself with anybody that I used to party with. A lot of those people weren't my friends and they didn't care about my wellbeing. All they cared about was that I was an extra person to pitch on alcohol with them and party with. This realization was a big one for me too as I learned a friend is somebody who would take away the bottle if they knew it affected you in a negative way as opposed to feed you one. <br><br>Today I am thankful for the healthy relationships that I have in my life and am grateful for where things are right now. I have a great relationship with my family and I have good friends who are also living a life of sobriety, both contributing to have a strong support circle which has been a huge asset for a lot of things. Growth and healing comes from actively working through traumatic experiences and when it comes to recovery, working through them one moment at a time. <br><br>When my mom passed away in 2018 at the age of 55, it broke me and even today I am still healing from it. She was my rock and was always there to listen to me no matter what. She is also the person who taught me how to be kind and have a loving heart which is something I am very thankful for. Having PTSD from that has been something I have been working through in therapy and although it has been hard, I know it's better than going out and getting loaded. Instead I choose to love myself everyday as best I can and if I am in need of some extra support, I know I can turn to the folks in my support circle.<br><br>9 years ago today I woke up hungover after a night of drinking and a bar fight on St. Patrick's Day but told myself enough is enough. Know that healing takes time but that it is possible and it starts with us having the want to do so. It doesn't matter how old you are when you make this decision, this isn't trauma olympics, and know that your experiences and your voice are valid. After having that want, we need to make it come to life somehow and we are the only one's who can decide what that looks like.<br><br>Setting boundaries for yourself is also important and take it from me, as somebody who is in the public eye and a place of influence, people have a lot of expectations from me which can be stressful at times. I often tell people to live with appreciation versus expectations for this reason and to meet people where they're at because we all have our own individual life experiences and with that our own capacities. <br><br>Today I say miigwech (Thank you) to my family, to my friends and to the people who continue to support me along this journey. I also give thanks to Gitchi Manidoo (The Great Spirit) and to my spirit for allowing me to walk the red road one moment at a time with growth and understanding. <br><br><span class="font_small"><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/42367cfb723e47f1ca02e59048eedae79c883a89/original/156256906-1465310687134130-5717711412556198824-n.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></span><br><br><br> </p>3:29Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/64383412020-09-19T17:55:07-04:002020-09-19T18:02:25-04:00Old Wounds <p>Sometimes you need to go back to where you’ve been before you can have a clear picture of where you’re going. </p>
<p>This is my old elementary school in the hood I grew up in, where the hurt child inside of me was first bullied, where my negative self talk began and where I learned to be a kid with thick skin. A lot of memories unfolded while walking on these grounds and felt as if I was opening a time capsule, some were good and some had been opening some old wounds. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/646781120b4151679a78f3f2cbaf574edc45d5cf/original/2.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>From my brother and I confronting the kid who stole my Yu-gi-oh cards on the basketball court, to the kids picking on me for my appearance at the red set of doors, to my first girlfriend and childhood crush hanging out with me at recess, to the thoughts of where all my childhood friends ended up...it all hit me as soon as I walked past the fence by the parking lot. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/37bfca924a6e34ba13d540e53a684e1ec19a5e18/original/5.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsImxhcmdlIl1d.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/38117ab59a83e312535b3518cd0cf3f7d9df3cde/original/3.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/83f4d5cd43e70d6582f0550e69a328ee17895526/original/1.png/!!/b:W10=.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br>I walked down a path that was notorious for people getting robbed on and thought about everybody I grew up with and where they ended up. I remembered one night I had come back to the neighbourhood to visit a friend when I encountered three people with bandanas over their faces, I recognized them and it’s crazy to think that me saying one of their names saved me from getting jumped that night too. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/8e0fd0be8644723de18f1dfe866fc6b1325a156e/original/untitled-design-6.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><br>Seeing this school and walking down that pathway again made me think about how folks I knew also got deported for severe acts of violence, drug dealing and everything in between. Knowing I navigated my way in and out of that lifestyle later on in life made me reflect on a lot during this visit too. I thought about how many times I’ve heard of people I grew up with ending up in some of the worst circumstances and how sad it was to hear that news. I also thought about how one day my family and I were heading out somewhere and once we got to our van, there had been a coat hanger in the ignition. This was the leftovers of someone trying to steal our family vehicle. </p>
<p>Growing up in this part Ottawa’s east end, you either did something with your life or you fell through the cracks. Thankfully, I was able to do something with my life and survived the hardships I went through. I feel visiting this place has helped me take my power back as well and has contributed to healing old wounds. As I write this, I hope that my words are able to help other folks reclaim their power that was taken away from them by others and I hope that they find the ability to move forward after doing so. </p>
<p>Healing is possible, it takes time and only we can determine how long that will be.</p>3:29Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/64143342020-08-21T12:29:07-04:002020-08-21T12:29:07-04:00Two Years <p>Wake up. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Staring at the ceiling, motionless waiting for something to lift me out of this feeling of being numb. This is when I heard the voice of one of my younger brothers from downstairs and he called me on my phone telling me to get up. <br><br>Today marks 2 years of my beautiful mother no longer being with us in this physical world and it hasn't gotten any "easier", as some folks would say. My mom was a huge part of my life and helped nurture me into who I am today. Throughout the days I was bullied at school, faced racism, had gotten into fights, had gotten into trouble and at times been arrested, to having heartbreak, needing someone to talk to or having a shoulder to cry on, mom was always there. Through the tough times she always had my back and was always willing to listen no matter the time of day or if she was busy. This is the type of love I grew up with and I'm grateful for having that in my life as it has taught me much about compassion and has helped me to have a good heart. <br><br>One of my favourite things in the universe was seeing my mom bopping away in crowds at my shows and I think the best part about this is that we were both able to enjoy those moments together. She was so proud of me and she let everyone know it wherever she went. Till this day, nobody can ever claim the title of being my "biggest fan" because that belongs to my Mama Bear. <br><br>These are just a few things I've reflected on today as I've woken up and began to start my day. Admittedly, all I want to do right now is spend time with my family and be close to them because they know how I feel and have continued to be a strong support system throughout all of this. My mom loved her boys and loved her brother. With that, I feel we've grown closer and continue to get together to honour her and support each other throughout our grief. <br><br>Today, we are going to feast for mom and put out a spirit plate for her which has been very helpful for us all. I can't speak for the rest of my family but putting our love and intentions into the spirit plate has been important to me and has helped me connect with my mom. I would literally do anything just to hold her and hear her voice again but I know that won't happen again in this lifetime. My dad said something very special earlier today that has been sitting with me and it was that mom would "prepare a home in the spirit world for us". I know that day will come when we are all connected again and until that time, I know that living our best lives in this physical world would be the way she would want things for us. <br><br>These anniversary days aren't easy in anyway, shape or form but knowing there is support out there helps. I think the best thing I've seen other people do is simply check in without offering advice, their two sense or trying to say "I know how you feel" because frankly, nobody except my family does and there's no debate around that. Those that I've built trust with are usually the people I turn to, they know who they are, and I'm grateful to have them in my life. At this point, I've learned that it's also okay to express my feelings and to let others know them. <br><br>As I'm writing this, I'm selfishly doing it to put my thoughts somewhere but to also share something with folks who are willing to read it and hope there may be some take aways for them. My life has been changed completely and even today I am only taking on what I feel I have the capacity to do. This also means I'm not going to break my back to meet someone else's expectations nor am I going to cater to anybody but merely offer what I'm able to. I have a lot of broken pieces inside of me that need fixing and it will take time to heal which I am doing at my own pace. Rather than saying it's one day at a time, I often say it's one moment at a time because it truly is. One moment you can feel ready to take on the world and in the next you can get triggered and at times completely shut down. <br><br>I've learned this is a part of the grieving process and it's unfortunately something we have to learn to live with. Folks who don't understand that may not be the best people to associate with and even acknowledging that it's okay to disengage in conversations around this to protect your own wellbeing. I've learned it's okay to also seek professional help and have found that to be helpful too. <br><br>Going through the motions of all this has been difficult but I know my mom would want me to continue showing off the smile that she let everyone know I get from her. Today I am going to focus on the great memories we had together and as a family. I will also focus on what she has instilled in me and will continue to give thanks for raising me to be the person I've become today. If you're still reading this, whether your mother or that mother figure is with you in this physical world or is in the spirit world, let them know how much you love them in your own way. Make your love come to life and know that every heartbeat you have is honouring theirs. <br><br>Gi zah gin (I love you) Mama Bear, in our hearts now, always and forever. </p>4:25Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/63724962020-07-01T12:59:22-04:002020-07-01T13:28:49-04:00Why Are You Celebrating So-called “Canada Day”? <p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_large"><strong>Why Are You Celebrating So-called “Canada Day”? </strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">In so-called “Canada” this false idea of being one of the greatest places in the world has been established and while it continues to operate because of this, it is far from that for Indigenous people who are the original caretakers of these lands. Indigenous peoples of these lands have been here for over 13,000 years with archeological proof to back that which far surpasses so-called “Canada” as it is only 153 years old. So-called “Canada” was founded on the genocide of Indigenous people through tactics like the Doctrine of Discovery, the Indian Act, forced starvation methods, forced relocation from their homelands, forced assimilation, violence, racism, oppression and colonization. Why celebrate that? <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/85990c0c3c48d311dc6ed29b0042d6d191240c65/original/1200px-flag-of-canada-pantone-svg.png/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><br>Have you ever asked yourself whose traditional territory you reside on? Or how you benefit from acts of genocide and oppression as a European settler? Rather than celebrate a so-called country that has continued to be harmful to Indigenous people, why not reflect on how the “Canadian Government” and other European folks have acted towards them and try to create something new together? While “Reconciliation” seems to be a word that has been thrown around, it’s become lip service at this point and it truly comes down to if you genuinely care and are ready to unlearn behaviours, acknowledge your privileges and advocate for change. For those who are migrants and new comers to these lands, we as Indigenous people can't blame you for what you have been taught by a colonial society but we also hope to continue building relationships with each other, to have conversations with each other and to support each other. </span></p>
<p><span class="font_regular">A good introductory resource to look at is the “Indigenous People’s Atlas of Canada” series: <a contents="https://indigenouspeoplesatlasofcanada.ca&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://indigenouspeoplesatlasofcanada.ca&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://indigenouspeoplesatlasofcanada.ca </a></span><br> </p>
<p style="text-align: center;"><span class="font_large"><strong>Things you should know while celebrating so-called “Canada” Day” </strong></span></p>
<p><br><span class="font_large"><strong>What is the Doctrine of Discovery? </strong></span></p>
<p>The Doctrine of Discovery came from a series of Papal Bulls from the Pope originating in the 1400s. Under the “Doctrine of Discovery” established an ideation of spiritual, political, and legal justification for colonization and seizure of land not inhabited by Christians. </p>
<p><br><strong><span class="font_large">What is the Indian Act and who was John A. MacDonald? </span></strong></p>
<p>The Indian Act was enacted in 1876 and allowed the Canadian government to control most aspects of Indigenous life: Indian status, land, resources, wills, education, band administration and so on. The Indian Act clearly aimed to assimilate Indigenous people into Euro-Canadian society by any means necessary. Indigenous people who earned a university degree would automatically lose their Indian status, as would status women who married non-status men resulting in them no longer being seen as an Indigenous person in the eyes of the Canadian government. </p>
<p>Between 1879 and 1996, tens of thousands of Indigenous children were forcibly apprehended and were forced to attend residential schools designed to eradicate their language and culture. Many suffered from physical, verbal, emotional and sexual abuse and according to the NCTR (National Centre of Truth and Reconcilation), the number of children identified by name, as well as unnamed in death records, is about 4,200. John A. MacDonald, Canada’s first prime minister, was the architect of the Indian act and Canadian residential schools. Indigenous people are still living under the Indian Act today. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/465dfee57428076caae5fe302a5c526aa83c3011/original/john-a-macdonald-ca-1875.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>For more info about the Indian Act and John A. MacDonald please visit: </p>
<p><a contents="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SFcgtcUTjs&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SFcgtcUTjs&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SFcgtcUTjs </a></p>
<p><a contents="https://www.ictinc.ca/blog/10-quotes-john-a.-macdonald-made-about-first-nations&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SFcgtcUTjs&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://www.ictinc.ca/blog/10-quotes-john-a.-macdonald-made-about-first-nations </a></p>
<p><a contents="https://indigenousfoundations.arts.ubc.ca/the_indian_act/&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://indigenousfoundations.arts.ubc.ca/the_indian_act/&nbsp;">https://indigenousfoundations.arts.ubc.ca/the_indian_act/ </a></p>
<p><br><span class="font_large"><strong>“Canada doesn’t have a racism problem” </strong></span></p>
<p>While the average “Canadian” would turn a blind eye and go as far to even state that there isn’t severe racism in so-called “Canada”, many Indigenous people would disagree as this country was founded on it. If you are seeking an immediate example of what I’m talking about, just look in the comment section of any news articles that have Indigenous topics and also look at the ones where the comments have been disabled. Also reflect on how quick non-Indigenous people are to bypass truth because it causes them discomfort. </p>
<p>An important thing to reflect on as well is this: <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/b9ba68e764a0ab0a862887ba3dadb772effa9291/original/racism-scale-v3-0-orig.jpg/!!/b:W10=.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> Photo credit: Stuart Center, <a contents="https://stuartcenter.org/resource/racism-scale&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://stuartcenter.org/resource/racism-scale&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://stuartcenter.org/resource/racism-scale </a></p>
<p>In a so called country where there has been ongoing violence towards Indigenous people since as early as the first arrival of European settlers, it’s vital to acknowledge that there is systemic racism in it. We are now in 2020 and Indigenous people make up over 30 percent of the Canadian prison population. <br><br><a contents="https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/disturbing-and-entrenched-imbalances-indigenous-people-make-up-30-per-cent-of-prison-population/&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/disturbing-and-entrenched-imbalances-indigenous-people-make-up-30-per-cent-of-prison-population/&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://www.aptnnews.ca/national-news/disturbing-and-entrenched-imbalances-indigenous-people-make-up-30-per-cent-of-prison-population/ </a></p>
<p><br><br>Acknowledging that there is still ongoing acts of genocide in so-called “Canada” is vital as the number of missing and murdered Indigenous people is increasing. There are over 1,200 missing and murdered Indigenous people in “Canada” and while the average Canadian has the choice to either turn a blind eye to it or do something about it, the families are still left behind and deal with this loss everyday. <br><br><a contents="https://www.mmiwg-ffada.ca/final-report/&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://www.mmiwg-ffada.ca/final-report/&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://www.mmiwg-ffada.ca/final-report/ </a></p>
<p>Adding to this, over 8 Indigenous people have been murdered by police since April 8th, 2020, 3 of which happened in the span of 10 days, and this has been the continuum of a broken system. Upon its creation under the “Indian Act”, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police’s job was to monitor and displace Indigenous people, to move them onto reserves, to forcibly remove Indigenous children from their homes and place them in residential schools. <br><br><a contents="https://globalnews.ca/news/5381480/rcmp-indigenous-relationship/&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://globalnews.ca/news/5381480/rcmp-indigenous-relationship/&nbsp;" target="_blank">https://globalnews.ca/news/5381480/rcmp-indigenous-relationship/ </a></p>
<p><a contents="http://www.theredpanther.com/2020/06/14/over-8-indigenous-murdered-by-police-since-april-8/?fbclid=IwAR0bzh-NgQfOe4HYNBwXuTQ_Hp1OXm2d3j_lGhm0IFGZuR6EbidaJJLyB3c&nbsp;" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="http://www.theredpanther.com/2020/06/14/over-8-indigenous-murdered-by-police-since-april-8/?fbclid=IwAR0bzh-NgQfOe4HYNBwXuTQ_Hp1OXm2d3j_lGhm0IFGZuR6EbidaJJLyB3c&nbsp;" target="_blank">http://www.theredpanther.com/2020/06/14/over-8-indigenous-murdered-by-police-since-april-8/?fbclid=IwAR0bzh-NgQfOe4HYNBwXuTQ_Hp1OXm2d3j_lGhm0IFGZuR6EbidaJJLyB3c </a><br><br><br><br>It’s important to also acknowledge that revisiting these sorts of things can be emotionally taxing for some Indigenous people for obvious reasons, which is why some of us won’t be the ones to give you the answers you're looking for and will encourage you to find it in your heart to look into this information for yourself. Note that silence is violence and if you choose to keep quiet, you are a part of the problem. </p>
<p>This has been something I have been able to write out at the capacity I’m able to offer right now and I am a strong believer in meeting people where they are at as opposed to having expectations from them. At the very least I would hope this can shift your mindset on celebrating this so-called country and give you some insight as to how it is a continuum of oppression. Ask yourself again, why are you celebrating “Canada Day”?</p>2:31Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/62541032020-03-18T17:20:48-04:002020-10-13T03:08:20-04:00A Life Changing Commitment For Myself<p><strong>TRIGGER WARNING </strong></p>
<p>8 years ago today I made a life changing commitment for myself. </p>
<p>There's a lot more than meets the eye when you look at someone and every person has their own story. Before being a successful multi-award nominated and winning Hip-Hop/Electronic Artist and Motivational Speaker, I walked a road early on and experienced things that most people would never even think of. This road plays a important part in who I am and it has allowed me to be where I am today. <br><br>When it comes to addiction and substance abuse, I can't help but associate my experiences with both to be connected to trauma. In my past I made a lot of bad decisions, I hurt people, I lived a lifestyle that was reckless, I did things to my loved ones that I'm not proud of and I had a suicide attempt. Portions of my story I've been able to share but others I'm still healing from and am working on too. </p>
<p>Growing up I faced challenges such as racism, bullying, intergenerational trauma due to my father being a part of the 60's scoop, cultural disconnect, loss of cultural identity, depression and substance abuse. These challenges contributed to my use of drugs and alcohol, the use of steroids due to negative thoughts of my own body image, gang involvement, committing crimes, violence and having unhealthy relationships. All of these things were a part of circumstances leading to self destruction. <br><br>Without getting into matters too deep, there came a time that I wanted to make a change in my life for the better and it took everything in my power to make that happen. I used to carry a sawn off 22 caliber rifle in the back seat of my car, have sold weapons to various people, sold drugs, broken into places, was a driver for high ranking gang members, committed acts of violence, drank alcohol and used steroids frequently. This is just a glimpse of the chaos I immersed myself in and what I feel comfortable sharing right now. After much reflection on this throughout the years, a lot of it was because I was angry and upset with how I didn't know anything about my ancestors, my culture, my blood relatives, where I came from or how to manifest everything I was feeling. Being bullied and facing racism certainly played a big part in all of this as well. <br><br>Being introduced to a way out was when I was charged with mischief under $5000.00 the day after I had my suicide attempt and had hit rock bottom. I remember being in a healing circle with elders, family members and case workers where I was able to share about things I had experienced. After this I went to a sweat lodge for the first time in my life, had been introduced to round dances and had attended pow wows which allowed me to understand that there was hope to get away from the lifestyle I was a part of. <br><br>Although this had all happened, I remember exiting gang life and distancing myself from people I would regularly see, often party with and committed crimes with. For a while I had stopped using steroids and made an effort to stop drinking which went well for a period of time but I found myself in a watering hole afterwards. For some reason I found myself back in a bar on St. Patricks Day and I slipped despite trying to stop drinking. That same night I was in a big bar fight and woke up the next morning reflecting about the night before. <br><br>After endless thoughts and fighting with myself, I said that enough was enough. From that day forward I made a strong commitment to recovery and thankfully found myself with people who had done the same who then became my supports. My father was the biggest one and I'm lucky to have had him present during these times too. Going to sweat lodges, writing poems and songs and exercising became regulars for me and remain to be. <br><br>Closing off, I came a long way from where I've been and it's been a journey in itself to get to a point of sharing. Forgiving myself was the first step and having a support system in place was another but ultimately having the will to say "no" and focussing on living my best life became the strength I needed to begin healing. The choice to navigate my way into sobriety was mine and mine alone, nobody will ever take that away from me and I hope that through sharing my own experiences I am able to help others who have faced those of a similar nature. Making amends to folks that I may have done wrong became a part of this as well and even today I find that I am still apologizing but it's all a part of recovery.<br><br>We are the only ones who can make the decision to commit to this walk of life, some are ready and some are not, but no matter the case there is always those who are ready to help and it's important to acknowledge that we are never alone. Mamawi wi chi itata, all together we support each other. </p>3:22Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/60051722019-12-12T14:27:07-05:002019-12-12T14:27:07-05:00What You Should Know When Booking Live Entertainment <p><span class="font_regular">When it comes to booking live entertainment for an event, have you ever wondered what the process should be when doing so? As an artist who had been managed for years and now manages themselves and understands this process, here are some pointers that may help you down the line whether you are the one doing the booking or the artist/band who is being hired. </span><br><br><br><span class="font_large"><strong>What Artists & Bands Need To Know: </strong></span><br><span class="font_regular">As an artist who has been operating in the music industry for years and has learned how to carry themselves in a professional manner, it wasn't always this way. My advice for you is to know your worth, how to conduct yourself in a professional manner and to acknowledge that it's okay to say "no". I'll keep it real with you, I've been screwed over by promoters, event organizers and other personnel and have unfortunately had to learn things the hard way by not getting paid correctly or at all. My most important words of advice for anyone who is being booked for an event is to put it in writing or else it doesn't exist.<br><br>Some would agree that leaving a paper trail is one of the best ways to keep a record of any agreement that is made between an artist/band and the client that is booking them, for me I personally believe in creating a performance agreement. When creating a performance agreement it should clearly state the legalities surrounding who is involved, where the event is taking place, what date it is on, the amount of pay that is due on the date of the performance, if there is any deposit that is required prior to the event (which I personally feel is the best way to solidify the agreement) and any valid information pertaining to the event. <br><br>Artists/Bands or their representatives are to provide the client with a rate card to begin the negotiation process and to ensure a fair price is met for their work. During this time tech and hospitality riders should also be provided to ensure the proper tech is available for the performance and to ensure that the costs for hotel, travel and meal per diems are taken care of.<br><br>After a fair price is discussed, tech is taken care of and talks for hospitality are out of the way, the artist/band or their representatives are to provide a performance agreement to the client to make things official. Once the performance agreement has been signed by both parties, the artist/band or their representatives and the client will abide by the agreement. If cancellation should be needed, it should be clearly indicated in the performance agreement on what the process is for these circumstances. <br><br>Once the performance agreement has been signed, the artist/band or their representatives are to provide the client with an invoice for their services that clearly states the service that is being provided, the amount that was agreed upon and the date that it is due. Once the payment has been made the artist/band or their representatives are to provide the client with a receipt for payment. </span><br><br><br><span class="font_large"><strong>What Clients Need To Know:</strong></span><br><span class="font_regular">As a client who is looking to book an artist/band for an event it is your responsibility to ensure that you hold up your end of the deal that is created between yourself and the artist/band you are hiring. Agreements via email, text message, online chat or phone aren't as valid as a performance agreement and if you want to be taken seriously when booking an act, signing a performance agreement is the best way to do so to avoid any conflict or problems in the future. This means that if you have signed an agreement, you are legally bound to it and need to abide by what has been discussed between yourself and either the artist/band or their representatives. <br><br>In order to keep everyone happy, I always advise folks to follow this process:<br>1. Review artist/band rate card and don't be shy to voice that you may be working within a budget because that's where negotiations will come in.<br>2. Clearly review the performance agreement once it is provided to ensure that you are able to fulfill your side of the deal.<br>3. If the artist/band or your venue can't provide the proper tech, try to propose some alternatives to see if they may work for the artist/band that is being hired and if you are still unable to, the best practice in this case is to rent equipment from an outside source. <br>4. If the artist/band has to travel for the event, covering transportation, putting them up during their stay and providing meal per diems is always a great way to ensure that things run smoothly but also creates a better working relationship for future events. <br>5. Let the artist/band know when their soundcheck time is as well as who their main point of contact will be. <br>6. When the artist/band or their representatives have sent you an invoice for their services, pay them on time to avoid any conflict or being blacklisted from them. </span><br><br><span class="font_regular">Will security be needed for the artist/band?<br>Depending on if a liability agreement has been signed, you may or may not be responsible for providing security at your event. Normally if there are large crowds at the event it is always a good practice to have security present anyways to avoid putting their safety at jeopardy and to make the artist/band feel welcomed. <br><br><br>By following this process from both sides I have found it to be a great way to conduct business and feel that everyone should make this a practice when it comes to booking live entertainment. With hopes that this has provided insight to artists/bands and to those looking to book them for events, please feel free to use this for future reference and to share it with anyone you feel it could potentially be helpful for. </span><br> </p>3:22Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/58658982019-08-21T22:42:55-04:002020-05-07T00:03:01-04:00One Year<p>Today I have felt the world sit still and have felt numb. I've been missing my mom more than ever and when I close my eyes she's all I can envision. It's crazy to think that a year has already gone by without her in this physical world and it's been the hardest year of my life. </p>
<p>While people try to call me, text me and message me continuously to reach out for support, I can't help but feel the need for personal space and to be alone in my thoughts at times. I've also come to know that there are expectations from others and I hope they understand that they shouldn't carry any expectations from me but rather appreciation for what I am able to offer right now. </p>
<p>I woke up in the middle of the night last night and felt the feeling of wanting to be with my mom. Being reminded that I couldn't hold her again, hear her voice and laughter, play crib with her like we used to or just overall be with her made it very difficult to fall back asleep. Lack of sleep has become a regular thing for me lately and it's often because my mind is racing. </p>
<p>Today, I had my interview at CBC and had tried to call my dad but got the voicemail that's set up on the phone. It still has my mom's voice on it and reflecting on that now makes me sad because I wish she could've heard my interview. She used to always tune in and congratulate me afterwards which has also been a first for me. There seems to be a lot of those lately and I'm learning how to deal with it. </p>
<p>I've come to know that it's okay to feel sad, angry, upset and to cry. There have been people who have disregarded my emotions for their own comfort and this is something I feel I should voice. These have been the people who tell me that "It get's better" or "It get's easier" which are not words of comfort whatsoever and in fact makes things feel even worse because it doesn't feel that way right now and I need to feel this completely in order to heal and to move forward. </p>
<p>In terms of truly being there for someone, I feel the best thing to do is to just listen and be present when they need you to be. Telling people that you know how they feel isn't a good idea at all either because nobody knows how I feel except for me. Someone may have an idea of what it feels like to lose a parent but to have lost my mom before her time isn't fair and it hurts more than anything I have ever felt before. </p>
<p>I felt it is important to voice all of this because as someone who has been hurting and has been still, it's hard to find hope right now but it is not impossible. I needed the kind of hope to be able to continue and to see the light that this world may offer and the only way I've been able to feel that completely is by focusing on the love that my family offers me during this time. Mourning and grieving for the one person who gave you life is something that is not simplistic to express but if I had to try it would be to share that it is like someone took away one of your reasons to wake up every morning, to breathe and to live.<br><br>My mom was someone who taught me so much throughout my lifetime and prepared me to be the man I am today. She was the kind of person to open our door to anyone who was in need and to be there for them. I remember my friends coming over and having a place to stay if it was ever needed. If they hadn't eaten that day my mom would often ensure that they were fed before leaving our home. My mom taught me how to take care of others and had also reminded me to be gentle with myself. With this being said, during this past year I have been learning much about taking care of myself and have put a focus on self love. I also have chosen to honour my mother by continuing to be kind to others as she would have and to utilize the teachings that she instilled in me while doing so. At every one of my shows I have also made it a habit to highlight that and to challenge folks to say something kind to those that are around them as well. <br><br>One thought that often crosses my mind when thinking of this is, "What is the meaning of this gift of life that we all have?" another is "Why are there different qualities of life and class systems that focus on dividing people and separatism?" In today's society we're all stuck in living in a dog eat dog world or at least the social norms push that onto us. Take it from me when I say that life is way to short and we should much rather be focusing on being kind to each other as well as understanding, accepting and supportive of one another. <br><br>Closing off, one thing that my mom has taught me above all is being remembered for doing good in this world and for being kind to others. Often I ask myself what I want to be remembered for and I know I want to remembered for being a good human being with a kind heart who helped others just like his mother did. What do you want to be remembered for? <br><br> </p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/58113432019-07-02T12:07:06-04:002019-07-02T12:07:06-04:00Oh Canada...<p>When I think of Canada Day I can't help but revisit bad memories that I carry from my own experiences and can’t help but think of the true history that is beginning to come to the surface for Canadians to learn about. Growing up in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada as an Indigenous person due to their father being adopted in the 60’s and who was yearning to find their roots, culture and language was hard enough but to learn the true history of what took place in Canada during the process of doing so made things all the more difficult. As someone who is an intergenerational survivor, I often wonder why people still celebrate this day and find myself confused when I hear talk of reconciliation then witness those very people speaking about it choosing to celebrate the creation of a place that inflicted genocide on the original peoples of Turtle Island. </p>
<p>Hearing people identify as "Canadians" was always confusing for me because it was a culture that was made up and created by settlers and has lead to the idea that settlers are from here, Turtle Island. While this may cause discomfort for those of settlers decent, let it not be forgotten that this country was founded through murdering Indigenous people and children as well as raping Indigenous women and children too on their own homelands. This country was also founded through colonization, genocide and trying to eliminate Indigenous people, their culture, their language or how it was referred to from Canada's first Prime Minister John A. MacDonald, the "Indian Problem" through the residential school system and attempts to assimilate Indigenous people into Canadian society. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/465dfee57428076caae5fe302a5c526aa83c3011/original/john-a-macdonald-ca-1875.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><br>When you think of identifying as a Canadian, think about what that truly means first. When I hear it, I can't help but think about the true history that has happened in "Canada" and the continuum of oppression and harm being brought to Indigenous people. Our government allows pipelines and other forms of resource extraction to damage the remaining portions of our territories that we have and unfortunately some of our leaders have now become a part of the problem in doing so because of money. Our women, young girls and boys are being trafficked through sex trafficking rings and some of the people who are supposed to protect and serve them, the police, are the ones doing harm. Our people are also going missing and are being murdered at an alarming rate and more than anyone else in Canada. Our communities are struggling for a basic human right to clean drinking water and are lacking sustainable water. These are just a few examples that I can provide and you can research it more if your heart desires but my point is that I hope you will be a part of the solution as oppose to being a part of the problem. </p>
<p>I know that I am not a Canadian, despite having a Canadian passport and other Canadian identification in order to operate in a colonial world, I am Anishinaabe and my people have been here for over 10,000 years. Yes I pay my taxes like everyone else and no my Indian Status Card does not allow me to get out of that. It's actually pretty weird to think that the government won't ever acknowledge me by my English name or by my spirit name but rather as a number. Again, part of true reconciliation is taking the time to find this information for yourselves so feel free to research it when you feel most comfortable and please don’t assume unless you have taken the time to talk with someone who has extensive knowledge in regards to Indigenous topics. </p>
<p>Things to think about though, where are you truly from? Or better yet, where did your family come from? Are they from England, Ireland, Scotland, France or a different part of Europe? Or are you from a different part of the world and are a newcomer as of recent to Turtle Island and have fallen into the process of colonization and assimilation into Canadian society? It’s crazy to think that people are even brainwashed into thinking that they are from these lands through the Canadian anthem, “Oh Canada, our home and native land”. Ask yourself, who's territory are you on? <br><br><br><span class="font_large"><strong>Check out the Indigenous Peoples Atlas of Canada:</strong></span></p>
<p><span class="font_large"><a contents="https://indigenouspeoplesatlasofcanada.ca" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="Who's%20territory%20are%20you%20on?%C2%A0%20%20%E2%80%8B%E2%80%8B%E2%80%8B%E2%80%8B%E2%80%8B%E2%80%8B%E2%80%8Bhttps://indigenouspeoplesatlasofcanada.ca" target="_blank">https://indigenouspeoplesatlasofcanada.ca</a></span></p>
<p><br>I don't mean for this to be offensive but rather to open your eyes, to educate and to hopefully open your heart as well to being true to yourselves because as Indigenous people, we are often excluded and put to the side when it comes to living in "Canada". In fact, some of us get nervous on Canada Day because we feel like we are walking with a target on our backs. While some have become the "Token Indian" for the government to make things look like they are the way they are meant to be, the reality is that it is far from that. <br><br>Travelling across Turtle Island, I have been to many communities both urban and rural and have witnessed a lot. Did you know that there are communities just outside of Ottawa that do not have sustainable drinking water? Also, when you see Indigenous people on the streets in a city, have you stopped to think of why they may be there and the root causes of intergenerational trauma that they may carry? I've also seen many of my people living in extreme poverty and the mentality that I have heard from "Canadians" is that they should "Get over what happened in the past and work like everyone else". As of recent the awkward and most frustrating thing I heard from someone who was on a project with me in a community that gets flooded every year with no help from our government for evacuation is that "There are bad things that happen all over the world". After hearing this I felt extremely uncomfortable that this mix of Canadian guilt and white privilege was overstepping, thinking that it's okay to normalize what we as Indigenous people are facing in "Canada". </p>
<p>When it comes to policing in Canada, especially on "Canada Day", that is certainly one of the top things I am fearsome of. From my personal experiences with Canada Day, I first think about one year when I was with my brother and some friends in downtown Ottawa and had to defend ourselves on the rooftop of the Rideau Centre from a white male who had come at a female friend of ours with threatening behaviour, which ultimately resulted in violence. That also leads me to think of 2011 which had followed after and I would've been 19 at the time. A group of us were hanging out on the rooftop of the Rideau Centre again and my brother and my friend were fooling around and had been throwing an empty water bottle at each other. The water bottle had accidentally gone over the railing and down to the crowd below and I had looked at the building across from where we were and there was a police officer with binoculars focused on me. </p>
<p>I remember walking away with another one of my friends and being grabbed by two male police officers then thrown to the ground. I felt startled and remember feeling one of the officers put his knee on the side of my face while he was assisted by one of the Rideau Centre's security guards in pinning my body down to the ground. The other officer had then put plastic zip ties around my wrists and tightened them then began to search the pockets of my pants. He then searched my backpack and opened a Mickey of Captain Morgan's Spiced rum which I had in my bag that was initially unopened and had planned to drink that night. This lead to him dumping out the Mickey and a bottle of ginger ale I had in my bag too. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/47b8f35f4f6f2872d57b36bd24988e3c77183ddf/original/312bxvrmz-l-sx425.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /> </p>
<p>During the mist of this I was asking what I did wrong and they told me to remain silent. I kept in mind that as a youth, I had been arrested and in a pair of handcuffs on different occasions which allowed me to know how that felt. These zip ties however were a new feeling and I couldn't feel my hands because they were so tight. While this was happening chaos had broken out and my friends were questioning the officers on why they were doing that to me. Looking up at one of the officers, I asked if he could loosen the zip ties and his response was to start walking. At this point I was on my feet and they were lifting my arms up behind my back, causing me to lean forward in an uncomfortable manner. The police forced their way through the crowd that had gathered near me and began bringing me off of the rooftop. </p>
<p>While walking the two officers stopped and had put my back against the wall. I felt one of their elbows strike the centre of my body and was then asked if I was ready to co-operate. I caught my breath and answered that I have been co-operating the whole time. After this happened they continued to walk me down to the paddy wagon that was parked on Mackenzie King Bridge and my brother had shown up. I told him to call my parents and to tell them to meet me at the Elgin Police Station. </p>
<p>The two officers then handed me over to another officer who helped me into the back of the paddy wagon. Shortly after leaving the Rideau Centre the paddy wagon came to a stop and the doors opened. The officer asked me if he were to take the zip ties off if I would try to run away and I told him that I wouldn't. He then cut off the ties and asked me to put my hands in front of my body where he put a new pair on that were a bit looser. He asked me what I did and I told him what had happened on the rooftop. The officer then told me what had happened to me was ridiculous and wasn't right. He then told me that he would let me sit with the door open for a bit to hear some live music nearby. A short period of time passed and we then made our way down to the Elgin Police Station. </p>
<p>While being processed I remember the woman at the processing desk taunting me in front of her peers because of the haircut I had at the time. She asked me "Hey do you watch Jersey Shore? You look like that guy from the show" and I asked her "What guy?" which lead to her saying "You know, that guy". After she had said that, a male officer who had been telling me where to put my feet during getting my picture taken replied to her while laughing and saying "Pauly D". The woman had then bursted out laughing and said "Yes! Pauly D!" which resulted in them both laughing at me. I felt humiliated and extremely uncomfortable at this point. </p>
<p>After processing, I was brought in an elevator and then to a cell where I was left alone. There was a drunk white male who was in the cell next to me and had seen me come in. I remember sitting at the edge of the bed and hearing him call me "Soft" from the cell next to mine. He asked me if I wanted to fight and I remained silent. While attempting to ignore him I laid down with a roll of toilet paper under my head for a pillow and stared at the ceiling. He began pounding on the wall and yelling profanity at me which made me react by saying "You're pretty tough screaming at me with a wall between us". At this point an officer came to his cell and told him to be quiet then had asked me if I was okay, which resulted in me telling him, teary eyed and emotional, that I was far from okay. He said that I would be out of there soon enough and as time passed he returned to bring me out of my cell then to my dad who had bailed me out. </p>
<p>This is the first time I’ve written this experience out completely as it has affected me for years and my experiences with Canadian police, in particular the OPS (Ottawa Police Service) haven’t been the best. After much reflection I wondered if they had something to prove or if they had some type of quota to make but whatever the case may be I ended up being a young man who was sober and had been placed in the drunk tank. Deeper thoughts had followed after I heard other peoples experiences with Canadian police as well and I am still finding the courage to share more of mine. One thing I feel comfortable saying is that when I owned a vehicle before it was a 1985 Olds Mobile Royale Brougham that had no rust on it and was a sharp ride that I worked hard to have, this lead to problems for me. Often I would be pulled over by police because they wanted to “See who was inside” which wasn’t a good enough answer for harassment and now that I don’t own a vehicle, it’s become one of the reasons why I feel less inclined to do so. Then there were the nights where I would be pulled over and asked to step out of my vehicle to be searched and their reason is that my vehicle was suspicious. </p>
<p>This is just a pigment of what I’ve come to know while growing up as an Indigenous person in “Canada” and I hope that it may open people’s minds and hearts to challenging what they think they may know. There is disguised racism and ignorance that exists in “Canada” which needs to be challenged and I hope that this can help in that process. Some may take something from this and some may not but overall I challenge those who read this to keep the conversation going and to think to themselves…why are you proud to be Canadian?<br><br><br> <iframe class="justify_inline" data-video-type="youtube" data-video-id="JEKFxrGqBuo" data-video-thumb-url="https://img.youtube.com/vi/JEKFxrGqBuo/mqdefault.jpg" type="text/html" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/JEKFxrGqBuo?rel=0&wmode=transparent&enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" height="360" width="640" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe></p>2:31Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/57640222019-05-22T12:34:42-04:002019-07-02T12:07:21-04:00Mom's Hugs<p>Today I was reminded of my mom and how she would give me a warm hug before going away to travel for another gig, she would always say “I love you my boy” when it came time for me to leave. Knowing that I had to get up because my train to Kingston, Ontario, Canada was departing in the coming hours, my day began with me waking up, going downstairs and making myself some breakfast. Then I noticed I had an influx of texts coming in on my phone but I didn’t want to get too distracted because it was already hard enough to get up out of bed with this on my conscious. </p>
<p>I didn’t really feel like speaking to anyone and when going through the motions of all of this I’ve come to realize that I tend to push people away at times, not because I don’t want the support but because I don’t want to feel like a burden to them. As per every morning I received texts from my dad and my girlfriend and even though texting makes me anxious at times I did my best to answer accordingly. While trying to make breakfast and reply at the same time I became a bit flustered which felt like the biggest task at hand for me. This hasn’t been the only time where the smallest and simplest of tasks have felt like the biggest to do. </p>
<p>I thought doing a video call with my girlfriend would be easier than texting but found myself not very talkative and trying to focus on eating while thinking about my mom. Around this time she would be sitting in her seat on the couch and we would be talking with each other. It didn’t help matters that I was home alone too, which made me feel like my thoughts were echoing throughout the household. </p>
<p>My girlfriend and I spoke about downloading Netflix episodes for me to watch with her during my train ride to Kingston but even that felt like a huge task. Trying to find the energy and motivation to do anything felt almost non-existent. We ended up bumping heads over minor stuff which resulted in me walking into the kitchen to distract myself temporarily. I picked up a few dishes and began washing them but as soon as I turned the water on I shut down and began to sob. Leaning on the counter and the stove top while holding myself up helped but I rushed into the dining room and hung up the phone because I didn’t want her to see me crying and to be concerned for me. </p>
<p>What followed was me sitting down and processing yet again that my mom is no longer in this physical world. I began speaking out loud, telling her how much I miss her and how badly I wish I could give her a hug before leaving on yet another trip. She believed in me more than I could believe in myself at times and in that moment I wish I could’ve been lifted up by her once again. </p>
<p>In this moment I then saw that I had a missed call from my dad and remembered that he tried to call when I was on the phone earlier. In a panic I tried to call him back and all I got was the voicemail...which was my mom’s voice. I stayed still and listened to her voice with full, undivided attention. It brought me comfort knowing that we still had that clip of her speaking. </p>
<p>After going through the motions of all of this I centered myself by writing this down and I still find it crazy that in the midst of my own struggles, I am still here writing in hopes that it may help someone else. This reminds me that I truly am like my mom. She was known for bringing people together, for being kind to others and so much more. </p>
<p>On days like these when I feel alone, it’s hard to continue with my day or to even move but I know she would want me to continue to follow my dream which is why I am pushing to pick myself up and get ready for my travels. I think if there’s a lesson to be learned here is that it’s okay to feel these feelings, to cry, to weep, to hurt, to be sad and to take some time for self reflection but the biggest is to know that I’m not alone and I should stop pushing people away who are only trying to help. </p>
<p>In times like these it’s hard to stay grounded and to find hope but when we are able to, it’s imperative to grasp hold of that and to hold it close to your heart because it will help you to lift yourself out of that pit of despair. I miss her more and more everyday. I pray to her every night and I close my eyes just to focus on the image of her face. </p>
<p>Grieving isn’t something that’s temporary, in fact it’s something that is with you for the rest of your life and as much as it hurts, it’s something that we must learn to live with in this physical world. Knowing that her spirit is with me is something I will continue to cherish. As I travel today I will be carrying her with me and sharing with the young people I am going to speak to about how important she is to me and how she was one of two amazing human beings who made me into the man I am today.<br><br>I miss you mom, I miss your hugs, I miss your smile and I miss hearing your voice. Although you are not in this physical world to hold me like you once did before, I know your spirit will live on forever and will carry me when I feel like I am unable to lift myself up. Gi zah gin ni maamaa. </p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/56841432019-03-18T11:28:29-04:002019-10-19T14:42:12-04:00The Red Road <p>Today I am left with much reflection and have found myself reminiscing through past events. While most people are waking up with a hangover and alcohol in their system from the night before, I am waking up sober. I do not have the taste of alcohol in my mouth or the smell of it on my breath and I do not have a headache or the urge to lay in bed any longer. One thing that stands out to me is that rather than neglecting to open the curtain to let the sun through, I have found myself witnessing the beauty of it as I have opened the curtain this morning and it's shine has graced my living room.<br><br>A new day awaits me, different from yesterday, the day before and the ones further beyond that. What will today be like for me? And how will it progress to tomorrow? Many thoughts surround that because today is an anniversary day for me. The day that I took ownership of my life and began to make better decisions for myself. To walk the red road and to live a better life. <br><br>Seven years ago today I made a commitment to myself that I didn't want alcohol, steroids or drugs in my life anymore. Throughout those seven years many challenges have come, many people have exited my life and much has changed. I no longer have the want to be around a party environment, nor the urge to meet up with a site van to receive needles. I make it clear to others that it is not for me and if they disrespect that then I defend myself. False friendships have been removed, stronger bonds with my family have been made and today I make healthy choices for myself and give thanks for this gift of life. <br><br>Having a healthier relationship with myself and my family is something that I thank Gitchie Manidoo (The Creator) for. They have been my strongest support system throughout this journey and have been there throughout it all. From the nights of mischief, acts of crime and violence, to the mornings of not remembering and trying to puzzle it all back together, they have been there. Most importantly was the morning after hitting rock bottom with my suicide attempt and the day I said that enough is enough and began to walk the road of sobriety. <br><br>Friends come and go but family always stayed for me, which is a blessing considering all of the things I did when I was drinking and using. I always heard my dad tell us stories of his experiences and yet I still went to figure it all out for myself. Often a night of drinking would result in events that were quite traumatic for me to witness due to the actions made by the individuals I surrounded myself with and the pressure to be included in those actions. From violence behind closed doors to the violence in city streets, to the drug dealing and drinking during late nights spent in trap houses, I found myself thinking that I didn't want this anymore. Driving under the influence became a regular thing too which was not smart at all and certainly wasn't safe for myself or other people. Eventually I came to the realization that this lifestyle was going to validate what teachers had told me in high school, that I was going to either end up "dead or in jail".<br><br>When I had been using steroids it was initially to become more attractive due to being called ugly, not good enough and having people make fun of my body image which lead to insecurities. It hurt when guys did it to me but when women would, it stung and made me feel inferior. I remember drinking while using steroids and I was very emotional, aggressive and always ready to fight, which is something that the dealer neglects to tell you will happen when they sell you them. Changes in my body also occurred, including acne on my chest which had left scarring that will be with me for the rest of my life. <br><br>After seven years I reflect on how many people were hurt, how much chaos was in my life and how finding balance has lead me to making amends with both myself and those that I was destructive towards. Not knowing who my blood relatives were for 25 years due to my father being adopted in the 60's, being bullied in high school for being Indigenous and being lost in this world which lead to being involved with gang life played a big part in the trauma that I carried. The reality is that even though I am sober, I still cross paths with people I have hurt and have had to make amends. Taking ownership of my actions and knowing when to apologize is a part of the healing process. Some of the amends made are due to actions that happened when I was sober and learning how to cope with emotions that weren't present before. Making amends with myself was important too and I often remind myself that when the going gets tough, to be gentle with myself. <br> <br>Finding and learning my culture throughout these years has helped me throughout my journey and going to sweat lodge has helped as well. Being able to learn my language more and gain cultural knowledge and teachings has gone a long way. I've been able to pass it on to my family members and we have shared it together. This was something that we did not have growing up but being able to have it now is important to me and is something I give thanks for everyday.<br><br>The teachings I received from my parents played an important part in who I am today as well and I choose to share them with others when able to. My mom was renowned for bringing people together and offering kindness to others but if you crossed her then you would know that you made a big mistake. She taught me to offer kindness and to have a kind heart. My mom also taught me to not take crap from anybody and to stand up for what is right too. My father also taught me to be kind to others and showed me what it meant to be a kind man through how he treated my mom. He prepared me for this walk of life and the challenges that it would carry for me but was also there to lift me up when I lost myself. Paying it forward has become something that I do often now and my father taught me a valuable teaching that comes with that, which is that service is gratitude in action.<br><br>With my mom passing away in August of last year and her birthday coming up next weekend I have had a lot to think about lately, in particular today. She was always there to give me hugs when I needed them and to listen throughout my hardships. Now that I am living my dream, she had always been there to support me throughout the process of being able to and was so proud of everything that I am doing. Hearing that she was proud of me affected me in many ways and often brought me to tears because of everything I have been through in my past and how she knew more than anyone. I know that my mom would also be very proud of me today for making it to seven years of sobriety and while carrying that close to my heart I will continue to live a healthy lifestyle. <br><br>While most people choose to drink alcohol and it has become a social norm, I acknowledge that I have no need for it in my life. This is both for personal reasons but also on a bigger spectrum. Hearing when people try to portray the "Drunken Indian" stereotype, I remind them that there are sober Indigenous people in this world. I've taken a strong stance against something that had been used to weaken our people and providing help to those that are still battling it as well as their own traumas.<br><br>Working on my craft and developing my writing skills more has been my outlet throughout all of this as well. Having released my first full length album "Mamawi" on November 1, 2017 and now almost completing my second full length album set to be released in summer 2019, my life is where I want it to be. Music has been one of my three keep safes, the two others being walks outside and exercising at the gym. These practices have helped me continue to keep going and I found have others along the way. <br><br>My experiences have given me perspective and have allowed me to become the man I am today. They have allowed me to speak and provide help to various people in various spaces across Canada and to the United States. My sobriety has allowed me to live my dream and to find my voice, my passion, my emotions and overall my true self. As of last year I had received my first regalia and this year in honour of 7 years on this red road and in honour of my mother, I plan to begin my journey as a men's fancy dancer. <br><br><br>Seven years ago today, I made the best decision I could make for myself. To live mino bimaadiziwin, to live the good life.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/092d09baa9ae1c88b1a9b42c91282cca9bce1cc6/original/51402499-2224777194428149-7102781704166136769-n.jpg/!!/undefined/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/56736782019-03-08T13:59:24-05:002019-07-02T12:07:58-04:00International Women's Day<p>The other day a friend of our family tagged me on social media in this video she took from June 23, 2018 when my friends and I performed at APTN's Indigenous Day Live pre-show. The beautiful woman in the bottom right corner with that amazing energy rocking back and forth is my momma bear. I'm grateful to have been raised by such a strong, kind, loving and caring woman who instilled those very traits in me. As I've replayed this video time and time again, I think of how proud she was of me and how just the other day my dad and I spoke about how even when she was in her last moments on a hospital bed, she was still promoting me to the nurses. </p>
<p>With today being International Women's Day, I feel it is an important reminder to celebrate the women in our lives and to continue to honour them each day. Everyday I will give thanks and will honour my mother for giving me this precious gift of life. I will do the same for the strong and caring women who are in my circle. The same applies for the one who has been there for me throughout this tough time, who has been supportive towards me, who has continuously offered me love and who I am lucky enough to share a relationship with. </p>
<p>Today, I ask the men reading this that you offer your gratitude to the women in your life. Whether it may be a sibling, a friend, a co-worker, a partner, a family member or your mother. Everyday they are to be honoured and respected. Show them that you honour and respect them, that you will listen, that you won't talk over them, that you will be present when needed and will give space as well, that you will respect their boundaries, that you care, that you will be an ally, that you are in no way, shape or form superior to them and that you will challenge any form of misogyny. </p>
<p>Today, I also wanted to ask everyone if you are able to...that you hug your mother and hold them close to you. If they're a distance away, then call them. If they are in the spirit world, pray to them. Tell them that you love them, tell them that you care, tell them that your sorry, tell them that you forgive them and ask for forgiveness as well, tell them thank you for giving you life and tell them what they mean to you. </p>
<p>Gi zah gin Ni Mama, I love you Mom, forever and always ❤️. </p>
<p>Cody Coyote<br><br><iframe class="justify_inline" data-video-type="youtube" data-video-id="qwBIbnPqY3M" data-video-thumb-url="https://img.youtube.com/vi/qwBIbnPqY3M/mqdefault.jpg" type="text/html" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/qwBIbnPqY3M?rel=0&wmode=transparent&enablejsapi=1" frameborder="0" height="180" width="320" allowfullscreen="true"></iframe></p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/56057762019-01-21T14:53:08-05:002022-05-31T07:12:25-04:00Moment by Moment<p>Through these moments that I sit still, my mind races, my body’s numb and emotions slowly begin to process. From the moment I woke up today to the moment I went to my bed to go to sleep, I’ve been thinking about her. Glancing at the picture of her on my wall brought forth sadness. As that tight feeling in my chest entered my body again, I find myself in a moment where I’m short of breath and trying to pace myself through it.<br><br>I told myself that I’d try to start going to bed earlier each night as a form of self care but often that wouldn’t be the case. As I try to ground myself, I feel that tight feeling again and I weep for her. Holding my stomach as if I was latching onto the memories of how it felt to receive hugs from her, knowing that when nobody else cared, she did. </p>
<p>Feelings of loneliness enter my mind but are challenged by the fact that I hear the television on downstairs which reminds me that there are four guys who are with me throughout this...My dad, my brothers and my uncle. Despite what other people say, nobody else will know how I truly feel. The feeling of having a mother leave this journey and begin her journey in the spirit world far too young is one that can not be described. </p>
<p>I try not to be angry at people when they offer their advice about the situation I’m in because I know they do it with good intentions so I remain silent and accept it. Part of me doesn't want to be silent, it wants to scream at the top of my lungs just to get it out as a release and to feel something. Doing whatever to try and calm myself, I took a shower and prepared myself for bed. I found that texting my girlfriend helped and she calmed me for the time being. </p>
<p>As I write this out, I’m laying in the dark and typing this on my phone. It helps to process my thoughts. I’m currently calm and carry hopes that I will be able to have enough sleep for my radio show in the morning. The current time is 11:13 PM and I’ll need to wake up at 5:00 AM in order to make it to the station for my 6:00 AM show. </p>
<p>Today is January 21, 2019. The show went okay, ran into some technical difficulties which were resolved but my anxiety was still present throughout it and after arriving at my home I went back to bed for some much needed rest and self care. The one thing people don’t know that happens behind the scenes as a public figure is that anxiety becomes a very real thing at times that can hit you like a ton of bricks depending on the circumstances. I’ve been learning to cope with it and I find that cooking, writing, going for walks and going to the gym helps a lot. </p>
<p>As I write this I’m laying in my bed again after much reflection throughout the day. It’s been exactly five months now since my mother passed away and I can’t help but think of how much I miss her. Anger is also with me right now because I am angry at this enemy that I’ve made that has affected many that I love, including my beautiful mother...that enemy is cancer. </p>
<p>Thoughts roam my mind on why certain foods, cigarettes and other things that are bad for us all, which can lead to cancer, are normalized in society. These thoughts are followed by why I need to be diligent with my health and what I consume. I am now reflecting on a new insecurity and fear that I have now. To protect myself and my family from this enemy I want to do as much research on cancer as possible and hope to help others who have been affected by it or who have had loved ones left behind after their passings but only if I could find the strength to. </p>
<p>Trying to channel my emotions into something constructive has been difficult though but I’ve slowly been doing it and have found myself in a position where I’m almost done my second full length album which brings a feeling of only wishing that my mother could hear it. It’s helped for the time being but when people say that it’s “day by day” it really isn’t, everyone grieves differently and for some, it’s ever fragment of a second, taking things moment by moment, not knowing if you’ll be able to function or completely shut down. </p>
<p>Whenever I performed, my mom would always be rocking away close to the stage and that’s one of the things I’m going to miss the most. I made a commitment to myself the night she passed. That commitment was for every performance I do, will be to celebrate her life and the life she has given me. Knowing that her spirit is still with me I find that I often will get small reminders which bring both sadness but calm me at times as well. </p>
<p>What people need to understand is that silence, listening and just being there holds so much versus offering words of what they feel people need to hear during times like these. Unless they’ve lost a mother than they shouldn’t be offering their advice or two sense, but when they do I respectfully listen to what they have to say although at times it may upset me. The point to make is that if I wish to talk about it with them then I will, other than that it’s nobody else’s business. Writing this is to try and put this into perspective for people who don’t know this feeling and I hope that it will help with healing for those who are facing similar challenges. </p>
<p>I talk to my mom regularly, every night in fact, and there isn’t a day that passes where I don’t think about her. These past two days have been very hard for me but I’m working through the motions of it and I’m grateful that pieces of her are still with me through my two younger brothers as well as her other half, my father. </p>
<p>“Mamawi”, the title of my first full length album, has a stronger meaning for us as a family now and through that I know my mother is carried with us. Every time I see a “Mamawi” hat I think of how my mothers face lit up when I gifted her one while she was on her hospital bed. That memory is the last sincere smile I had from my mother and will forever be embedded in my heart. She was someone who was known for bringing people together and she continues to do just that. <br><br>As I continue to write, it is now Monday, a start to a new week and I am sitting at home alone in my basement. Do I continue writing? Has enough been said? As the thought of silence revisits my mind, I accept it and acknowledge that as each moment passes I am learning to live without my mother in this physical world but will always carry her spirit with me. I now think about how the dishes need to be done then think of how the simplest task can become the biggest challenge some days. I've tried to add lyrics to some other songs I was working on as well but found myself with writers block. <br><br>One thing that I'm accepting right now is that it's literally taking things moment by moment, forgetting the small things like gossip and the negative energy's that other people will dish out. For the people that wish to support and understand what I'm going through, I welcome them, but for those that don't then I wish them the best. All I know is that this is a beginning of a new journey, at the age of 26, where somedays I will be able to lift myself up and some days I will fall, some days I will be strong enough to lift my family up and for the days I am unable to they will be strong enough to life me up in return.<br><br>With the dawn of a new day I will continue to smile, to cry, to laugh, to weep, to dance and to sing in honour of her. Moment by moment, acknowledging that tomorrow isn't promised to anybody so I need to make today count, that's what she would want from me. </p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/52205882018-05-07T09:37:27-04:002021-02-11T01:52:08-05:00The Secret and the Family Tree<p><strong>Constantly searching throughout this world, trying to find out where I’m from and who my blood relatives are. Finally after 25 years we’ve found them. </strong><br><br>My father was born on February 21, 1960 in Hailebury, Ontario, Canada and was adopted from when he was four months old. Adopted by Keith Purcell, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada and Doreen Purcell, from England, United Kingdom. The Purcell’s adopted my father as well as my aunts and uncle. They had also fostered many kids throughout the years too.<br><br>Later on in my fathers life he met my beautiful mother who had given life to three boys, myself and my two younger brothers. Growing up we knew that my father was Ojibwe, his last name before adoption was Batisse and that he was from Matachewan First Nation, located in Northern Ontario about an hour outside of Kirkland Lake, Ontario, Canada. With proof from his birth certificate, myself and my younger brothers were able to receive status cards from a young age but as we grew older, curiosity and the yearning to know where our roots were from came along. <br><br>Throughout high school I faced bullying for having long hair, I had been made fun of for being First Nations by older students and faced a lot of struggles surrounding my lack of cultural identity. Having little knowledge about my culture and what it meant to be Ojibwe was a common stress for me growing up but I remain grateful that my father taught me everything that he was able to. Despite the little knowledge that I carried, I found myself lost in a big world and found it very difficult to navigate through it. With these types of experiences, I also found myself in a world of violence, alcohol and drugs. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/e9532a56025a5dc8c835c82d4289cb3fdb262cc8/original/screen-shot-2018-03-28-at-2-07-21-pm.png/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><br>From my early teens to the end of high school I was using drugs and alcohol as a coping method. Every neighbourhood has that older person who was able to get alcohol for someone and for me I was in regular contact with them. At this point in my life I wanted to numb what I was feeling and when it came to partying, I would often drink too much. At times I would consume alcohol on my own in my room, just so I could distract myself from the stresses I had been feeling and this eventually lead to drinking at school. It also didn’t help matters that the school I went to had been teaching a false history of what had happened in Canada.<br><br>Poetry, writing lyrics and music became my medicine during high school and it was my escape when I wasn’t feeding into my demons. It allowed me to be creative and to vent what I was carrying inside. Even to date it continues to be something that helps me stay grounded. <br><br>Transitioning after high school though drinking became more common, peer pressure became worse and eventually it lead to going to clubs in Hull, Quebec, Canada to party. This continued until I was 20 years old, within bars and clubs in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. During this time period I had also been involved in gang life and had been using steroids, both oral and injective as well, as a part of a revenge plot I had for some guys that had jumped my younger brother at a party. The use of steroids also became part of the want to look more attractive due to being called ugly in high school by certain girls. At this point I was also facing a lot of emotional changes, nightmares, stresses from the lifestyle I was a part of and other challenges. Losing control, I hit rock bottom and had a suicide attempt after a night of drinking which lead to me being in a hospital the morning after. <br><br>On March 18th, 2012 I made a commitment to live a sober life and as things progressed I learned how to deal with my emotions better, I was able to further my journey with music and I started to truly walk on my healing journey. In 2015, I went to the Indigenous Music Awards that were held in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada after being up for two different award nominations in the “Best Rap/Hip-Hop CD” category and the “Single Of The Year” category. Meeting someone who is now my manager, Bruce Barber, at the award show also allowed more doors to open as we worked together. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/33ed0977aa5e9a44c03d41da024a2ffec5d9cc57/original/21558852-1771140262928577-9196681644786688155-n.jpg/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><em> Cody Coyote - 2015 Indigenous Music Awards</em><br><strong> Photo Credit: APTN</strong><br><br>Touring to various communities and cities across Canada since 2015 has allowed me to meet many people, some of which have helped me in regards to connecting the dots with my blood relatives. Knowing that my father took a similar journey when he was younger too made me realize that we had both walked a very similar path and had similar past experiences. It wasn’t until later that after the everyday stresses that I felt, I was beginning to understand that I was feeling the intergenerational affects of what had happened with my father. <br><br>Having spent 25 years not knowing who we were related to, we made contact with some members from our family and had gone to Matachewan First Nation for the first time as a family to meet them. Unsure of how we were all related made us all very curious but the acceptance that we received from them made us remain hopeful. It wasn’t until shortly after I turned 26 that I would encounter a part of my journey that would create a shift for us all. <br><br>On April 25th, 2018 I had travelled to Kebaowek First Nation which is located in Kipawa, Quebec, Canada to perform for their community and facilitate a workshop. During my time there I had spent time with the organizers and after having conversations about who we all knew, one of them told me that she knew one of my relations. On April 27th, 2018 I met them for the first time in North Bay, Ontario, Canada and had received phone numbers from them of other relatives who would be able to help me puzzle things together. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/3b7b86acb90ff255e01e14f83ee85b62616a1f30/original/img-1147.jpg/!!/b:W1sic2l6ZSIsIm1lZGl1bSJdXQ==.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><em> Cody Coyote - Kebaowek First Nation</em><br><strong> Photo Credit: Cody Coyote</strong><br><br>Once I arrived back in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada, I sat down with my father and explained to him what had happened while I was up north. On April 26th, 2018 I had immediately made phone calls from the moment I woke up because I was eager to learn more. After speaking with a woman named JB, she spoke to me about how her sister MB and her brother GB had gone to residential school. We also spoke about how C.A.S. (Children’s Aid Society) had taken a lot of children from Matachewan First Nation as well as the Indian agents who had been present as well and had taken children to residential school. <br><br>Janet and I spoke about how we believed that MB was my grandmother and the knowledge that I had of what had happened when my father was adopted. JB advised me that it would be best to contact her brother GB because he would be able to provide further information in regards to the questions that I had. <br><br>My father had been told by Doreen Purcell that when he was adopted, a teen who appeared to be 13 to 14 years old was the biological mother who had put him up for adoption. The teen’s mother had been the one who signed all of the documents that were relative to my father which explained why he showed up as a 4th generation Batisse instead of a 5th generation Batisse on the records we had obtained from our sources in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. <br><br>On the afternoon of April 26th, 2018 I felt nervous, excited and a mix of other emotions while I made a phone call that would be the start to a new journey for us all. At approximately 2:00 PM EST I phoned GB to have a conversation with him and inquired about if he remembered anything being mentioned about a baby being born around 1960. GB was born in 1944 and had mentioned that he went to residential school in Spanish, Ontario, Canada until he was 16 which was in 1960. After he had left the school he was told that his sister MB, born in 1947, had a baby and had given it up for adoption. <br><br>This brought on tears of relief and joy. Nervous as ever, I told Gordon that I was now able to call him my great uncle and we made plans to see each other in May, 2018 when I am in Toronto, Ontario, Canada to perform at a festival. I also mentioned that I had two younger brothers, a father and a mother that would like to meet him as well. <br><br>After 58 years of my father searching for answers, 25 years of me searching for answers, 24 years of my middle brother searching for answers and 20 years of my youngest brother searching for answers, we finally had confirmation of what had happened. My father now knew who his mother was and I now knew who my grandmother was. <br><br>We were told by our relations that there was a secret in the family, that secret was my father. After years of unanswered questions, searching and not knowing, we finally found what we were looking for. </p>3:29Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/51524092018-03-28T14:13:46-04:002019-11-19T16:35:04-05:00Healing Through Art<p><strong>Music, what would I do without it? Where would I be if I had not began expressing myself through poetry and lyricism? Who would I be if I had not pursued my dream?</strong><br><br>On March 23, 2018 I attended the Indigenous Youth Symposium that was held at Confederation High School and hosted by the Ottawa Carleton District School Board. While attending the symposium I had the opportunity to be their keynote speaker and guest performer. I spoke about my journey, my experiences with bullying, anti-bullying as well as how I found healing through art and culture.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/02670747eaa8e2afcf6c924b4fa19d936803f478/large/screen-shot-2018-03-24-at-9-07-00-am.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Cody Coyote - Indigenous Youth Symposium<br> </em><strong>Photo Credit: OCDSB</strong></p>
<p>This music journey has been an amazing one but it wasn’t always that way for me. With my music and during my keynote speeches I speak about the struggles I had to endure as someone who grew up with little knowledge of his culture and with that a lack of cultural identity. Growing up having that cultural disconnect and doing my best to latch onto anything that would give me a sense of who I was in this world grew to be very difficult for me. Having the knowledge that my father had passed down to me and knowing that I was Ojibwe from Matachewan First Nation was something that I was appreciative of but was also very curious about.</p>
<p>Spending my childhood in a neighbourhood that had a lot of diversity and multiculturalism then moving to the suburbs where things were quite different was a big change for me. My parents worked so hard to get us out of a neighbourhood that had been pretty rough at the time and to provide our family with a better place to live which I always give thanks for. However throughout high school I had faced many challenges as well, one of those challenges was bullying. These bullies were people who had chosen to pick on me for things that I knew nothing about and that I could not change. </p>
<p>Walking down the halls and hearing older students telling me to get a haircut was a regular thing. The old Hollywood “hand over the mouth gesture” as well as other forms of taunting, racism and name calling would take place too. The most common thing that would happen though was when I would have my hair in a ponytail, I would feel my head fly backward due to someone pulling my hair. These acts of bullying would often lead to me feeling embarrassed and shameful, resulting in having my hair cover my face to try and hide who I was. Now at 25 years old, going on 26, I understand why I got so angry whenever that happened but at the time it wasn’t as apparent as it is now that it was because someone was trying to access my spirit in a bad way.</p>
<p><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/e9532a56025a5dc8c835c82d4289cb3fdb262cc8/original/screen-shot-2018-03-28-at-2-07-21-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p>I will always remember this one day where I had found gum in my hair and had tried my best to get it out but despite multiple attempts, it was too difficult to do so. This resulted in me having to walk to my locker to grab a pair of scissors and cut off the pieces of hair that had gum on them. Later on these experiences had lead me to completely cutting off my long hair due to the embarrassment and shame that I was feeling due to bullying. </p>
<p>Adding to the emotions I was feeling from the bullying I had been encountering, I remember having to learn a false, sugar coated history of Canada. The story that was portrayed was that Europeans had come to these lands, made friends with Indigenous people and then Canada was born. Knowing that it wasn’t the truth I constantly looked for answers to all of the questions that I had and once I found some of them I immediately felt discomfort, anger and rage.</p>
<p>I remember one day in particular where the topic of Indian status cards had come up in class and it was being briefly explained to everyone. The teacher had asked me if I had a status card and I answered “yes”. Keeping in mind that my status card was used as an example, the conversation lead to tax exemption. Once the class heard about it one girl at the back of the class said “Well that’s not fair” and I completely lost it. I remember saying “You know what’s not fair? Knowing that your ancestors were killed and had their home taken from them”. </p>
<p>Writing poetry helped me channel what I was feeling at times and with everything happening at school it was something that would ground me when I would write. Eventually this lead to one of my teachers introducing me to a studio at my school where I was able to experience the creation of music with some other students. What began with an electric guitar, bass guitar, drums and a microphone eventually evolved to creating instrumentals and experimenting with Hip-Hop. This is where my journey with music began and where I began to find confidence, healing and much more.</p>
<p>Towards the end of high school I started to hang out with the wrong crowd, being introduced into a group who offered protection against the people who had been bothering me and who had nurtured the fact that I was so angry. Being around other Indigenous people made me feel welcome, protected and a sense of belonging. The harassment had stopped and every person who had a problem with me from there on in was quickly silenced. I remember being told that I was a “Warrior” and the false idea that surrounded that was wearing colours, being able to fight when it came down to it and driving around with a sawn off 22 rifle behind my driver seat willing to use it. </p>
<p>I remember being introduced to gang life which had a world of violence, drugs, alcohol and conflict with the law. From being in trap houses, being a driver for crack deals, being an extra body for fights, being in high speed chases and more, lead to this all being present for years. Being stopped by the police while driving around Ottawa’s east end became a regular thing and with that I had also faced racism which ultimately lead to carrying hatred, anger and conflict with them. <br><br>Writing poetry helped me channel what I was feeling at times and with everything happening at school it was something that would ground me when I would write. Eventually this lead to one of my teachers introducing me to a studio at my school where I was able to experience the creation of music with some other students. What began with an electric guitar, bass guitar, drums and a microphone eventually evolved to creating instrumentals and experimenting with Hip-Hop. This is where my journey with music began and where I began to find confidence, healing and much more. <br><br>Anger was still present throughout my teens though and I didn’t know how to manifest what I was feeling let alone properly deal with it at times. Throughout this period of time, I would be drinking alcohol, doing drugs, partying with others and at times using on my own in my room. Anything to numb what I was feeling and that would allow me to escape. </p>
<p>Towards the end of high school I started to hang out with the wrong crowd, being introduced to a group who offered protection against the people who had been bothering me and who had nurtured the fact that I was so angry. Being around other Indigenous people made me feel welcome, protected and a sense of belonging. The harassment had stopped and every person who had a problem with me from there on in was quickly silenced. I remember being told that I was a “Warrior” and the false idea that surrounded that was wearing colours, being able to fight when it came down to it and driving around with a sawn off 22 rifle behind my driver seat willing to use it. </p>
<p>I remember being introduced to gang life which had a world of violence, drugs, alcohol and conflict with the law. From being in trap houses, being a driver for crack deals, being an extra body for fights, being in high speed chases and more, lead to this all being present for years. Being stopped by the police while driving around Ottawa’s east end became a regular thing and with that I had also faced racism which ultimately lead to carrying hatred, anger and conflict with them.</p>
<p>While all this was taking place I began to use steroids, both oral and injective. I initially did this as a plot of revenge after a night where my younger brother had been jumped by a guy who was six years older than him but later on, the want of looking more attractive due to being called ugly made its way into the picture. The thing about steroids is that the dealer didn’t tell me about the emotional changes that came with it or how acne would break out on my body. While actively drinking, using steroids and facing stresses from the lifestyle I was involved in, I found myself hitting rock bottom. </p>
<p>After a night of drinking I had been told by a girl to “Do us all a favour and go kill yourself”. The only thing I remember from that night was going home, grabbing a rope and a 26er of rum then taking a walk to a nearby forest area and having my brother find me after a suicide attempt. The morning after the police had shown up to my house and told me that I was being charged with mischief under $5000.00 for breaking two windows of a school. When they arrived my father had been asking me what had happened and I couldn’t find the courage to tell him what I had done.</p>
<p>Speaking to the police after my father had gone inside I told them what I remember happening the night before and they had brought me to the hospital with my brother to accompany me. I remember sitting in a room after speaking to one of their doctors and it felt like they didn’t want to give me the time of day. After being left in a room for so long we decided to get up and leave the hospital. This doctor made me feel as if I was inferior. </p>
<p>When it came time to deal with the charges that I was facing I had two options. Option one was to go to a regular probation office, which I had done before due to prior charges but felt it didn’t work for me or option two, which was to go to the Odawa Native Friendship Centre to participate in their justice program that was specifically for First Nations, Inuit and Metis youth who were in conflict with the law. This was where I found a way out of the lifestyle that I was in. </p>
<p>Being brought into a healing circle, then attending my first sweat lodge ceremony and attending community pow wows and round dances ultimately gave me a place to begin acquiring cultural identity. This also helped me get away from the crowd I had been hanging around with and to have better surroundings. Later on being able to learn more of my language helped a lot as well too. </p>
<p>Having healthier surroundings had drawn me back to writing more frequently and eventually allowing me to express myself further through music. Music became my art form and became my medicine. It continues to be throughout my life journey and has remained to be an outlet for me. With hardwork and dedication, it has also become a career for me.</p>
<p>In 2015, I was a nominee in the “Best Rap/Hip-Hop CD” and “Single Of The Year” categories at the 2015 Indigenous Music Awards held in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Since then I have toured across Canada performing music, keynote speaking about anti-bullying and facilitating workshops. My career has brought me to platforms such as the JUNO Showcase held at the Ottawa Music Summit on March 30th, 2017 and the National Arts Centre on January 25th, 2018. This year I am also a nominee in the “Best Music Video” category at the 2018 Indigenous Music Awards. </p>
<p>Throughout all of this music had been present and I had continued to write. It became my outlet and has remained to be that way to the present date. Finding my healing through art and being able to express myself has lead me to a life that I give thanks for every day, mino bimaadiziwin (the good life). With six years of sobriety, exercising on the regular, traveling across Canada performing music and being able to share about my journey with the future generations of this world as well as others, I have found strength and I am grateful for it. </p>
<p>It just goes to show that everything happens for a reason and our experiences shape us into who we are truly destined to be. We all have inner strength but it will only be shown to us when the time is right and until that time we will learn many lessons which will better prepare us for that. </p>
<p>If you have a dream, follow it. Everything that is worth experiencing will take a bit of work to get to but when you believe in yourself you can accomplish anything you set your heart to. If you have an art form that you enjoy, use it. Allow it to be your medicine. With hard work, dedication, motivation and perseverance anything is possible. Support others throughout their journey as well because the universe will send that energy back to you one day. </p>
<p>I am a storyteller, I am a helper, I am a survivor and I found my healing through art.</p>
<p><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/8fe0e58f8055ed72d1f04519cfd29886f77238bc/large/screen-shot-2018-03-24-at-9-08-37-am.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p> <em>Cody Coyote - Indigenous Youth Symposium</em> <br> <strong> Photo Credit: Josh Lewis</strong></p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/51453622018-03-24T00:35:43-04:002018-03-24T00:35:43-04:00Is this for real? <p><strong>Round two with the great trail was absolutely amazing!</strong> <br><br>On March 21, 2018 I was flown out to Toronto, ON, CA to open for Jim Cuddy (Blue Rodeo) at the Trans Canada Trail Thank you Donor Celebration that was held at the Globe and Mail Centre. Being able to fly out and attend such an event with my good friends Frazer Lee Whiteduck (Chi-Wiiyahs) and Elaina Martin (EC Productions) is something that I am very grateful for. Especially because having friends present in a different city, while performing in front of a new audience, certainly helps with calming nerves. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/2dd448b2c19d4e727ba03f688052d03bd8a4882a/medium/img-20180321-124548.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /> <em>Cody Coyote, Shannon Marshall, Michael Mancini, Frazer Lee Whiteduck (Chi-Wiiyahs) & Elaina Martin </em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Cody Coyote</strong><br><br>Prior to catching our flight to Toronto, ON, CA, Frazer and I had met up with Shannon Marshall (Westfest) and Elaina for breakfast at the Ottawa airport where we were able to relax, converse and hang out for a while. The place of choice was Byward Taps, a spot where Elaina has gone regularly for quite some time before traveling and with that had been highly recommended. Being able to spend some time at a spot that had a story behind it and to catch up with friends while doing so was a comfortable, unique and great feeling as well as a great way to kick off the day before our adventure together.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/405df3f9c6c0b4a4790e164bfa95d8f636c14696/medium/screen-shot-2018-03-23-at-11-57-47-pm.png" class="size_m justify_center border_" /><br>After breakfast we had met up with Michael Mancini at the Porter Lounge in the Ottawa airport. Michael is an actor and was also hosting the Trans Canada Trail Thank You Donor Celebration event. Aside from that, I quickly learned that Michael is a respectful, understanding and kind person. <br><br><strong>For further information about Michael's work visit:</strong><br><a contents="http://www.mensour.ca/portfolio/michael-mancini/" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="http://www.mensour.ca/portfolio/michael-mancini/" target="_blank">http://www.mensour.ca/portfolio/michael-mancini/</a><br><br>After catching our flight to Toronto, ON, CA we took the ferry from the Billy Bishop airport to where our ride was waiting for us. Frazer joked about how this was the first time we've travelled by air, sea and land to get to a gig which was both true and funny. A local limousine service had sent an all black SUV to pick us all up and drive us to the Globe and Mail Centre. I remember reminiscing in my thoughts, thinking "Is this for real?" and it didn't sink in until we had gotten into the SUV. That's when things had hit me full fledge that everything that was taking place was in fact for real and had me overwhelmed with appreciation. Being in deep thought as we travelled to the venue, I couldn't help but think about how far I had come and using that as my motivation it helped prepare me for the show that we were heading to. <br><br>While performing at the Trans Canada Trail Thank You Donor Celebration event I rocked the house with my good friends Frazer Lee Whiteduck and Wesley King, who currently resides in Toronto, ON, CA. This was the second time I had performed on a stage for The Great Trail and what better way than to open for the man himself, Jim Cuddy (Blue Rodeo). The first time I had taken their stage was at Major's Hill in Ottawa, ON, CA on August 26th, 2017 alongside Frazer as well as Rapid Lake's very own Sonny Papatie. The same bill for that event included Steven Page from the renowned Bare Naked Ladies as the headliner.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/9d8f3469e4479867ccf4ed56aea3e0445593a481/original/21055984-2388630781362086-7215846050060481784-o.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Sonny Papatie, Cody Coyote & Frazer Lee Whiteduck (Chi-Wiiyahs) - The Great Trail Cross-Canada Connection Celebration</em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Trans Canada Trail</strong><br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/a79962790d792a588e7d06884aff18c009e377c9/large/21056179-10155759818376388-6677397519068628691-o.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Steven Page (Bare Naked Ladies) & Cody Coyote - The Great Trail Cross-Canada Connection Celebration</em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Cody Coyote</strong><br><br>Being able to have Wesley King join myself and Frazer at this show was truly an honour. Blowing the roof off of the place by first performing "Ogimaa" and then "Hit The Town" was truly a great way to open the event. Our families are all connected and with that a bigger family has been brought together on and off the stage. Wesley King is not only a good friend within my circle but he is also Theland Kicknosway's cousin. Theland has performed alongside myself and Frazer multiple times from previous years to the present and I hope to one day have all three of us on the same stage as well. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/ddd856336db5cf92d9218929dc165cf0d4d94ef7/medium/img-7317.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /> <em> Cody Coyote - Trans Canada Trail Thank You Donor Celebration</em><br> <strong> Photo Credit: Trans Canada Trail</strong><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/7f3269f0ac33d62643e100e619c062655fdb2483/medium/img-7287.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /> <em>Frazer Lee Whiteduck (Chi-Wiiyahs) - Trans Canada Trail Thank You Donor Celebration </em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Trans Canada Trail<br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/6d8c97598ec720a97a6247be72df0830f8bc9e4d/medium/img-7297.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /></strong></p>
<p> <em>Wesley King - Trans Canada Trail Thank You Donor Celebration</em> <br> <strong>Photo Credit: Trans Canada Trail</strong><br><br>The amount of energy that the crowds have given us at each event has been remarkable and receiving positive feedback from many who have attended has been a tremendous feeling. I feel that one of the best feelings about this journey is being able to provide these types of opportunities to the people who are within my circle and who haven't been given such platforms in the past. Ultimately while trailblazing through this journey I am committed to having audiences witness the talents of many Indigenous people as well as non-stereotypical, empowered, proud and overall respected representation of who we truly are. </p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/51191582018-03-09T01:13:50-05:002022-05-09T05:51:16-04:00Mino Bimaadiziwin (Good Life) - Westfest 2018<p><strong>"Ain't no party like a Westfest party cause a Westfest party don't stop!"</strong> </p>
<p>On March 4, 2018 I attended the Westfest 2018 Fundraiser and Festival Media Launch that was held at the Cube Gallery in Ottawa, ON, CA. After being involved with Westfest for the past two years I've had the opportunity to meet so many great volunteers, organizers and overall amazing people with whom I will have friendships with for the rest of my life. Among these amazing people are my friends President of EC Production and Producer of Westfest, Elaina Martin and her partner Cara. Getting to know Elaina throughout the years has been a wonderful experience all in itself. Her kind heart, will to help others, warrior spirit and friendship is something that I am honoured to know. Cara has also been someone that I have a growing friendship with and carries one of the kindest presences I know. This year I am excited to reunite with Elaine and Cara as well as everyone at Westfest again and to be able to see the wonderful acts that the festival has in store for it's audience! </p>
<p>Two years ago on March 6, 2016 I performed at the Westfest 2016 Fundraiser that was held at the Orange Art Gallery with Frazer Lee Whiteduck (Chi-Wiiyahs) and David Charette (White Deer). This was the first of many great experiences that I had with Westfest and I will always remember it. We all brought the right energy for the show and blew the roof off of that place. The excitement, energetic claps, cheers and overall positive vibes from the audience that day will be very hard to forget.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/724a87ac79b124985ac28f63ff29007ec6d93bac/original/screen-shot-2018-03-08-at-10-21-45-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Cody Coyote, Chi-Wiiyahs & White Deer - Westfest 2016 Fundraiser</em><br> <strong>Photo credit: Westfest</strong><br><br>The Westfest 2016 Fundraiser performance opened some doors when I was invited to perform on CTV Morning Live on June 3, 2016 to help promote Westfest. After finding out about this I immediately contacted Chi-Wiiyahs and White Deer to invite them to perform on live television with me. The excitement that we felt was the equivalent to that of which a young child would have going to Disney Land for the first time. This was the first time we performed on live television together and after overcoming nerves, we rocked the house. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/a41f00841508941e01bbb2521dd0077b72a0bf6c/original/screen-shot-2018-03-08-at-10-48-07-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br> <em> CTV Morning Live: Cody Coyote</em><br> Web Link: <a contents="https://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=883441" data-link-label="" data-link-type="url" href="https://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=883441" target="_blank">https://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/video?clipId=883441</a><br><br>After all of the hype and momentum that was there, I remember being super excited about this but Mother Nature had something else in store. When it came time to perform at Westfest 2016, the festival had to shut down the stage for safety purposes and by law regulations due to a severe storm that had hit Ottawa, ON, CA. Receiving this news was heartbreaking. but as time went by I realized that everything happens for a reason. From the way that this played out, it made my spirituality grow further than what it was before. <br><br>On June 2, 2017, after waiting a whole year to perform at Westfest I was given the opportunity to do so again. This time I was performing alongside my good friends and traditional dancers, Frazer Lee Whiteduck (Chi-Wiiyahs), Theland Kicknosway, Don Barnaby and Marian Snow. Nerves had my stomach in a knot, especially because the sky was very cloudy and I was praying to Gitchie Manito (the Creator) that it wasn't going to rain again. When it came time to perform it was as if it was a scene out of a movie and at this moment my spirituality grew further. As soon as all four dancers hit the stage and began dancing, the clouds had cleared the sky and the sun came beaming down on all of us. When this happened we put our all into the performance and represented who we are. This will always be an experience that I will hold close to my heart.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/dbcb1637ad50aece81d1f850927fa36d1500d276/original/18835821-10213441435979183-8166633066830556180-n.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><em> Marian Snow, Don Barnaby, Cody Coyote, Chi-Wiiyahs & Theland Kicknosway - Westfest 2017</em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Westfest</strong><br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/7fabf3829283bac2f16dc91bf19ceb1ee6bc2529/original/westfest-day-1-6-of-17-w-1.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Cody Coyote - Westfest 2017</em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Andre Gagne - Ottawa Life Magazine</strong><br><br>After our performance, the clouds in the sky shut again and continued for the remainder of the day. The way that I still interpret this experience to date is that our ancestors were watching us that day and it reflected through our strong performance together. Carrying the sense of pride that I had after performing that day was something that made me feel incredible and I feel comfortable saying that I know I wasn't the only one feeling that way. <br><br>Fast forward to the present, post Westfest 2018 Fundraiser and Festival Media Launch. Sitting here in a moment of reflection, after finally being able to share the exciting news with the world that I will be headlining Westfest 2018 on Sunday June 10, 2018 at 8:50 PM. I can't help but feel eternally grateful and overwhelmed with emotion. Finally all of the hard work and dedication is paying off.<br><br>Never would I have thought that my journey would bring me to where I am today but everyday I give thanks for what I have, who is a part of my life and where I am. Everyone has their own trials and tribulations but we find true strength when we are able to persevere throughout them. I am grateful that I have been able to do so and that by following my heart and my dream it has brought me to this part of my journey. Hearing those words announced... that I will be headlining Westfest, it hit me right in the feels and it took everything in my power to keep my composure. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/61c9b76c2d9f5795f09bba36a8d989fd96d6d013/large/img-20180305-111626.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Cody Coyote & Elaina Martin - Westfest 2018 Fundraiser and Festival Media Launch</em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Westfest</strong><br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/0cbc175f40fa5a932cf8a89a3f4d49295c7439d3/large/img-20180306-112925.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /> <em>Cody Coyote - Westfest Fundraiser and Festival Media Launch</em><br> <strong>Photo Credit: Andre Gagne - Ottawa Life Magazine</strong><br><br>Not many people know the depth of my story but here's a glimpse of what I feel comfortable sharing and feel people should hear in order to understand who I am now and how I got here. Throughout the bullying in high school for having long hair and being Indigenous. Being harassed, shoulder checked and taunted by older boys and called ugly by girls. Throughout the time where I was actively using alcohol to numb the pain I was feeling. Throughout the time I was using steroids to try and better my outer appearance. Throughout the violence, high speed chases, drugs and gang involvement. Throughout the aftermath of a suicide attempt. Throughout the course of being in a physically, emotionally and verbally abusive relationship for close to a year. Throughout finding myself in a similar situation after taking time to heal then attempting to date again. Throughout being told that I wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't do anything with my life, that I would either end up dead or in jail. Throughout the continued day to day stresses I feel of being an intergenerational survivor of child welfare, seeking to learn my culture and language, hoping to find out what truly happened when my father was adopted in the 60's. I acknowledge that I am still here and that I am a survivor. <br><br>I cried. I cried while giving my friend a big hug and it was because around this time close to six years ago, I was ready to give up on life. Since then I've been able to see the many beautiful things that life has to offer and have been so appreciative to have experienced some of them. This also applies for the wonderful, supportive people that have become a part of my journey. As of March 18, 2012 I have been sober from drugs and alcohol and my life has changed for the better. Having a stronger connection to my culture has been medicine for me. Having a healthy relationship with my family is something that I value, appreciate, love and cherish more than anything in the world. Having a strong circle of friends means so much to me, as well as the kind women in my life and they all know who they are. Another thing that I will always be thankful for is the amount of love, support and guidance that Elaina has given me through friendship and this music journey. The world should know Elaina by the name that Elder Claudette Commanda has given her, "Ogichidaa Kwe" which means "Warrior Woman" in Anishnaabemowin. Someone who's warrior spirit has and continues to touch many. <br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/28d064df8649a859f8d9aeada225186de9fc1bfd/medium/28685541-10156197032234660-544708810703372288-o.jpg" class="size_m justify_center border_" /> <strong>Photo Credit: Nathalie Carrier</strong><br><br>When I perform at Westfest 2018, it will be to honour my family, my friends, this mino bimaadiziwin (good life) that Gitchie Manito (the Creator) has given me and anyone who has been through or is going through similar experiences as I have. <br><br><em>"My people will sleep for one hundred years, but when they awake, it will be the artists who give them their spirit back." - Louis Riel</em><br><br> <br><br> </p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/51183792018-03-05T18:05:00-05:002021-04-21T13:01:50-04:00Parallels<p><strong>Parallel: a person or thing that is similar or analogous to another. </strong></p>
<p>On March 3rd, 2018 I attended the BYAP (Black Youth Action Plan) Ottawa Pop Up event that was hosted by Just Think 1st at the RA Centre in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/3f2b1f5a94f04bb18813c4abdae4ffcf863542ce/original/screen-shot-2018-03-08-at-4-58-39-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br>While attending the event, there were discussions surrounding various topics of what has been occurring within Black communities as well as covering topics that focused on youth empowerment. One topic that was highlighted was the ongoing gun violence that is currently happening within Ottawa and the violence that is found within Black communities. Just Think 1st has made a commitment to "disrupting the disruption" and ending violence in communities. As an Indigenous ally who lives in Ottawa and has experienced violence, I wanted to attend this event to learn more about how I could help. I knew the best way to do so was to be respectful by being quiet and listening. The more I listened, the more I began to see some similarities between Black communities and Indigenous communities. </p>
<p>There came a time in the event where there was a break out period which consisted of individual groups having to collectively come up with answers to questions that were provided by the event facilitators. As I sat there and listened, I couldn't help but resonate with some of the answers that came up. The answers that I speak of are the ones that had to do with intergenerational trauma, lack of cultural identity and violence within communities. All of which are similar traits found within Indigenous communities. </p>
<p>During the event I sat at the table with a woman named Sarah who is a part of Black History Month Ottawa. Sarah and I spoke about how colonialism has affected and created ripple effects for generations of Black people as well as Indigenous people. We spoke about Columbus, the transatlantic slave trade, residential schools and topics relative to our communities. Another thing that we spoke about was how there has been a long existing relationship between the Black Nation and the Red Nation.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/13943171133b46824f1f1e0712ea42a995f3f155/original/screen-shot-2018-03-05-at-4-28-45-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /></p>
<p><em> "It hurts....." "I know..." </em><br><strong> Artist: Unknown</strong><br><br> </p>
<p>From times where both were killed, enslaved and imprisoned by white colonialists. To the generations afterwards where both have been statistically proven to have had increasing incarceration rates while in the face of systemic racism. Both have continued to fight for equality, justice and freedom. </p>
<p>Seeing these parallels has provided the realization of why the relationship was so strong and needs to remain that way. With the ongoing violence, poverty levels, racism, addictions/substance abuse, over representation of inmates within the justice system and other problems that Black and Indigenous communities are facing, solidarity needs to remain among the two. Allies for both need to learn as much as possible and listen to what both communities have to say. </p>
<p>As part of the healing process many have seen how culture, art, dance and music have affected both communities in a positive way. All of these traits have been present since prior to contact and have been revitalizing. These traits have been medicine for many but they have also been an outlet and something that is used to initiate change. </p>
<p>Throughout generations resiliency has remained for both groups of people and is something that is increasing as each day passes. Voices have been growing louder and become stronger. People have been becoming more educated and advanced. The only way that we will be able to see change for the injustices that each have faced is by continuing to stand up for what is right, showing our solidarity for each other and using our voices, refusing to be silenced. </p>
<p><em>"A single twig breaks, but the bundle of twigs is strong." - Tecumseh</em></p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/51183622018-03-02T17:55:00-05:002018-03-08T16:57:19-05:00Pink Shirt Day 2018<p><strong>“You look like a girl!”…You’re ugly!”…”Get a haircut!”…”You’re dirty!”… </strong></p>
<p>As touchy of a subject that it is, speaking about bullying and how it affects others is a very important topic that needs to be discussed, especially with the future generations of this world. </p>
<p>On February 28th, 2018, I had the opportunity to be a guest speaker/performer at the Ottawa Pink Shirt Day 2018 event that was held at the Canterbury Community Centre and hosted by the Canterbury Community Association.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/60d82c9268dcd1a1ac7de0216d98650c40eaec10/original/screen-shot-2018-03-08-at-4-52-50-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br><em>The original “Pink Shirt Day” event had been organized by David Shepherd and Travis Price of Berwick, Nova Scotia. In 2007 they had bought and given out 50 pink shirts after Chuck McNeill, a male ninth grade student, was bullied for wearing a pink shirt during the first day of school. Since then “Pink Shirt Day” events have been held globally and have played a big role in the anti-bullying cause. </em> </p>
<p>Prior to attending Pink Shirt Day 2018, I had revisited old memories of what things were like for me throughout elementary school and high school. In high school it became apparent that I was “different” when some of the older students would single me out for having long hair. Girls would call me ugly or laugh at me. Feeling my head fly backward due to someone pulling on my ponytail became an unfortunate but regular feeling as well. When this would happen it often lead to the feeling of being enraged and later depressed. In some cases this would also lead to violence, which often resulted in more problems. I remember one day in particular when I was walking down the hallway to go to my locker, I went to tie my hair up and when I did so I had found a piece of gum in my hair. Struggling to get it out I remember having to cut a bit of my hair off, which had added to the embarrassment I was already carrying. As the bullying continued, I later endured racism as a part of it. The old Hollywood “hand over the mouth” gesture made it’s way into the picture except the older suburban caucasian students were the cowboys and well…I was the “Indian”. This lead to taunting, shoulder contact while passing me in the halls and various name calling. </p>
<p>Being able to share with the youth at this event was something that I will always remember. Their willingness to listen and their want to help provided the older people who attended with hope for the future, myself included. Being able to speak to them and ask them about what traits a leader has and what traits a follower has was something that I feel was pretty receptive. This lead me to teaching them a new word, “Ogimaa” which means “Leader” in Anishnaabemowin. Hearing their claps and excitement when it came time to perform my song “Ogimaa”, off of my album “Mamawi”, was a great feeling as well. When it came close to finishing my speaking session I left the youth with a very special teaching, one that I have kept with me for quite some time. I brought out my eagle feather that had been gifted to me by a friend and as soon as I did the room went completely silent. Followed by this I delivered the teaching, which I have been taught however to not put in writing out of respect for oral tradition. What I will say though is that it had to do with acknowledging that for every negative there is a positive and that we are to support each other throughout our journeys together. I ended by teaching them the word “Mamawi” which means “All Together” in Anishnaabemowin.</p>
<p><br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/c1a2d2c2ff90812f0bbf63a7dd79d82202946909/original/28423830-1619070408176118-6955049084901433776-o.jpg" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br>After passing down the knowledge that had been given to me with this teaching, two youth had brought up a big painting with the words “Mamawi Together” at the top of it and “We are all flowers from the same garden” at the bottom of it. As if the painting wasn’t already heartfelt enough, these youth had asked me to personally deliver this wonderful painting to the Odawa Native Friendship Centre here in Ottawa. The amount of kindness that this painting carries is something that I am grateful to be able to witness.<br><br><img src="//d10j3mvrs1suex.cloudfront.net/u/283089/1ff732625d00822db1add47f76610e969fc6f6cb/original/screen-shot-2018-03-08-at-4-55-16-pm.png" class="size_l justify_center border_" /><br>Our future generations are learning about bullying and the affects it has on people. They are also learning the true history of what happened here on Turtle Island and are taking the right steps to create positive change. Seeing that they are taking the steps to stand up for what is right warms my heart and I am grateful that they are doing it together, mamawi.</p>Cody Coyotetag:codycoyotemusic.com,2005:Post/51183612018-03-02T17:50:00-05:002021-12-28T06:26:01-05:00Boozhoo! Welcome!<p>Have you ever wondered what an artist’s journey would be like prior to fame? Would you ever want to know what it’s like to walk in their shoes? Have you ever wondered where they find the inspiration behind their music? Behind any form of music, there is an artist. Behind any artist, there is inspiration. Behind inspiration, there is a story. Come take a walk with me throughout mine, I welcome you to my journey. </p>
<p>My name is Cody Purcell, also known by my stage name Cody Coyote. I am a Hip-Hop/Electronic recording artist, Keynote Speaker and Workshop Facilitator. I was born on April 17th, 1992 and raised in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada with Ojibwe ancestry from Matachewan First Nation, located in Northern Ontario. Throughout my journey I often share portions of my life experiences when I am on stage, keynote speaking or facilitating a workshop. However, I don’t feel that there is ever enough time to share as much as I would like to share, which brings me to this blog. From 2013 to now my journey with music has taken me to so many places. It has allowed me to gain much experience, meet so many great people and to share my story with those who would listen. As each day goes by, there is always something new happening and there is always more to share. For this reason I welcome you to my blog to discover more about my music, my story and my journey. This is Music and the Journey.</p>Cody Coyote